Sweet dream. x

Last night I dreamt of a long table in a large warehouse type cafe.

I was sitting down one end of the table deep in conversation with my Indi. We were discussing life and feelings and age and opportunity. We were completely focused inwards on our little world not at all aware of the hustle and clutter of the rest of the cafe.

At some stage and for some reason I took a breath and looked up and noticed a couple opposite us with a tiny baby, maybe three days old. The father was holding the baby, his arms like a cocoon, and the mother was hunched over weeping into her coffee.

It was weird but I recognised those sobbing, shaking shoulders. I knew those big, fat, swollen tears falling onto her lap and I felt that overwhelmed, out of control, helpless feeling I knew she was feeling. Well.

It was like I was her again. The brand new first time Mum on the way home from hospital with our new baby who we were besotted with. I was deeply, madly in love with our new family but also overwhelmed with the enormity of it all. Everything was new. I was exhausted. I could almost feel my shoulders bobbing in time with her sobs.

And at the same time I was also still me. Me sitting there on the other side of the table with my almost twelve year old. My child who made me into a mother all those years ago and now sat with me on the verge of woman hood. My big girl who taught me almost everything I know about parenting and now hung out with me as friends. My angel who by chance and accident and luck and a whole lot of love is becoming someone I am so incredibly proud of.

And then all of a sudden the woman opposite stood up and fled the room. And he, so obviously torn between his adoration of the tiny package in his arms and the love of his life who he knew needed him now more than ever, stood up and froze for a second.

And then he handed the baby to me, looked at me with pleading desperate eyes, gushed that he'd be back in a sec and ran out after her.

And then it was me and Indi and the tiniest, most sweet smelling bundle of sleeping baby.

We sat there for a second, frozen. And then my Indi asked me what words I could tell them to comfort them? How could I make them see through the haze of hormones and breast milk and nappies and exhaustion? And we sat there for a while gazing at and breathing in that perfect bundle. I wondered what she was thinking while I was contemplating my words that would come across as comforting rather than advising.

After a few minutes they returned. They took their baby, apologised for their tears and drama and thanked us. They couldn't keep their eyes off their baby and really didn't look like they needed any help from me at all.

So I took a deep breath and thanked them for letting us cuddle their most gorgeous baby. And I told them that I had been where they were almost twelve years ago to the day. That I remembered all those feeling so well. And that it would get easier and then harder and then easier again as time went on and then one day they too would be sitting with a twelve year old. A girl they could barely believe was that tiny baby not so many years ago. And a girl they would be so super proud of, and so in awe of and so honoured to share in her journey.

And in my dream we all hugged like old friends. And then they walked out to start their new life as a family and we walked out a bit sad to leave that little baby bubble but excited about all the new opportunities waiting for us.


It's been ages since I've remembered so much of a dream and so much detail. This one has haunted me all morning. When I retold it to Indi on the way to school this morning she said she felt like crying. I'm still trying to work it all out. I'm pretty sure it's about letting go and accepting and looking forward. I think it was a bit of a gift.

Are you a dreamer?
A remember-er?
An interpreter?

Oh and that photo at the top? A few weeks ago I went to the wonderful Beci Orpin's book launch and was lucky enough to get a show bag full of goodies to take home. In amongst the candle and notebook and hand cream and stuff were three gorgeous gorman place mats.

And while I am a lover of beautiful home wares, place mats which collect dropped food and then just have to be washed seem a bit silly to me.

So I turned the spotty one into a skirt.

I think the other two will become bits of clothing before too long too.

Such fun and perfectly springly teamed with a pair of OK OK tights don't you think.

Sweet dreams.
Bye! xx

Shallow.

I had a bit of an emotionally full on morning this morning.

Well, actually this story begins when a friend of mine was having an emotionally full on morning this morning. My part of it came when I got her baby to look after for a couple of hours.

Usually these days when I am lucky enough to hold someone else's baby it involves lots of sitting around and cuddling and drinking tea. Not this time though. This time we were at bush kinder and so there was lots of walking and sitting and climbing and dancing.

Miss Pepper didn't mind sharing me at all. In fact watching how independant and grown up my baby is was an enormous emotional moment in itself.

And then there was this baby. There was the juggling of my bags, the ache in my shoulder after a while, the entertaining her and letting her pull at me and chew my hair, the smell of her...you get the picture. It was all so familiar and delicious and yet for me it is all gone.

Eventually her Mama came to take her off me. Eventually I let go. And then, thank goodness, Miss Pepper came and grabbed my hand and we skipped up the road.

Are you ok? My Farmer Boy asked me at lunch when I told him of my morning. I think I probably could have crumbled into a messy heap right now I replied, but I have just picked up two packages from the post office this morning and so I'm ok.

I think I'm a bit shallow like that.

Package one was crammed full of Michelle's fabric scraps. Eeeeeeep!!! Lucky me and thank you so much Michelle. One woman's scraps are definitely another woman's treasures.

I realised that I know nothing about fabric though when Michelle wrote that she is particularly excited to see what I am going to make with the voile. Hmmmm which one exactly is the voile?? I must say that I'm particularly excited to have some of the denim apple fabric Michelle once made herself a gorgeous skirt out of.

Package two was three bundles of wool from Kate. Some delicious greeny wool she dyed up for me and some of her gorgeous blue sock wool. Thanks Kate, I love, love, love them.

So you see I'm ok. I have gorgeous new bits and pieces to play with, the sun is out, my washing is drying on the line and my grape jelly is bubbling away on the stove.

Deep breath...

Ciao, ciao. XX

The editor's Pebble.

The editor of my Mum's book had a baby the other day.

My Mum bought some of the most divine, organic wool and after a bit of emailing back and forth we agreed on a pattern and I got click clacking.

The knitting part was quick.

And the pattern is super clever.

How ace is a baby vest that doesn't have to go over the baby's head?

The night I cast off this vest I was at my knitting group and one of the older women asked me if I wanted to have any more babies myself. I replied that I desperately wanted a tiny baby of my own so I could knit little vests and hats and cardis. I didn't knit when any of my three babies were born you see. And do you know that none of the women looked at me funny. Even the one who is a maternal health care nurse. So I think that must be a good enough reason.

Vest details here.

Have you heard that all the combined flood relief auctions and raffles on Toni's site have raised over $45000 to date? Pretty awesome hey!

My cushion cover auction is over here.

Please make a bid if you can. Every cent raised goes to disaster relief for the families and communities that have been devastated by the recent floods.

So what's cooking in your creative space today?

Have fun out there. XX

Tree dress & bloomers.

After a visit to the hospital this morning where I breathed in as much of that new baby smell as I possibly could and after all that boy baby crafting yesterday, this morning I came home and made some very girly stuff.

A tinsy winsy tree dress.

I printed the tree way back here.

I used vintage sheets, thrifted bias binding and button and I crocheted the ric rac.

And some tinsy winsy bloomers.

Miss Pepper is desperate to try the bloomers on, so I'm off to make her her own pair of fancy undy bundies, as she calls them.

I hope you have a great day. XX

Boy babies.

My gorgeous cousin Romy asked me to make her some baby presents for her friends' soon to be born boy babies.

I made some bibs,

in very traditional boy blue, green and reds.

And I made a pair of pants out of an old pillow case.

I'm not very good at boy stuff.

I have three sisters, three daughters, three nieces and lots of girl kids around me too.

What do you make for boy babies?

Maisie Cardigan.

How great is the internet?!

Before I start this ramble, I should tell you that I am pretty useless at it. My sister set up my blog for me and told me how to work it, I have a flickr account but I'm not sure what to do with it, I can't play with my photos or the layout of my blog and I have never bought anything on line.

BUT!

I can email.

The other day after crocheting the top of the Maisie cardigan out of vintage crochet by Susan Cropper, I got stuck on the exact placing of the stitches needed to make the dress bit. I had a few tries but I didn't feel confident.

So I put it aside for a few days and started something new, but then I remembered the baby due any minute and decided I had no choice but to finish it.

So I went back and had a look at the pattern and saw that the designer of the pattern was Alicia Paulson. I then checked the designer biographies at the back of the book and there I found her blog address. Once I found her blog Posie Gets Cozy, it was easy to find her email address.

So I emailed Alicia, she emailed me back and I finished the cardigan.

What would have happened in the days before email?

Would I have sent her a letter all the way to America and waited for her reply to get back to Australia?

Would I have given up or made it up?

Who knows. But its pretty cool that in 24 hours I can have personal advice from the designer herself don't you think?

This Maisie cardigan was crocheted from eight ply cotton found in the bargain room at Bendigo Woollen Mills. It was crocheted for a baby due last Friday, a baby that will make Indi's best friend a big sister.

Wrist warmers for Indi from this wool from Purl's Palace are my next crochet project.

Does anybody have a good pattern?

Have fun out there. XX

My nest.

Now that I've been less emotional for a week, I have found myself revisiting that time and slowly going through all the issues that came up and trying to acknowledge them in a happier space.

One of the biggest issues for me at this stage in my life is babies. For the past ten years I have been pregnant or breastfeeding and now I am neither with no plans to do either ever again.

When Pepper weaned herself a few months ago it didn't really worry me, but for some reason her second birthday did. I no longer have a baby and wont again.

I always thought I would know when it was time to move on to the next stage in life. My four pregnancies (one miscarriage) resulted in three healthy, wonderful children. So why on earth am I struggling right now?

The practical truth is that I got really sick during my last pregnancy and don't think our family could cope at the moment with me spending months and months on the couch or over the toilet. Also the farm has really kicked up a notch over the past two years and managing it is more than a full time job for Bren.

But none of this matters because these feelings are in my heart and body not in my head. My biological clock has a strong grip on me at the moment.

Over the last week when I have questioned other women about these issues I have learnt that most women don't definitely know. I have been met with tears on more than one occasion and sadness in many.

Perhaps moving on to the next stage is confronting. The other day I was at a cafe with some friends when a group of girls came in and sat at another table. These girls are similar ages to us but they had all recently had babies, while we had all finished having ours. Until recently they would have sat with us, but not anymore or for a while. I will never sit at that table again.

Maybe I am scared of having to become who I want to be now I am grown up. When you are pregnant or breastfeeding people are interested in the belly or the baby. I could always stand behind, happy as my role as their Mum. Now I need to stand alone and it is a bit scary. Who on earth am I anymore?

I have no answers just lots of questions.

I do know though how blessed I am to have three amazing daughters and be in the incredibly fortunate position to be able to spend lots of time with them.

I adore my family and know that it is complete, my body clock is just taking a while to catch up.

Funny, this morning I was wondering about what photos to publish with this post when Bren came in with this nest the boys had found in a tree they cut down yesterday. This nest is such a perfect metaphor for a mother preparing and nurturing her babies. This nest is also a perfect symbol for my role in my family, as it is woven from bits and pieces found around our farm, my home. That clever bird dragged twigs, cable ties, bits of wire, blackberry, hawthorn, willow, hay band and anything else it found to make the best, cosiest nest for its chicks.

No Show.

I was planning to go to The Bendigo Sheep and Wool Show yesterday but my baby had an awful cold. Instead she flopped on my lap and I crocheted behind her back for most of the day.

I made the flowers above for Indi as part of her costume for a Christmas in July party.

I made the flower below to experiment with the effects of painted wool.

And of course I made some washers.

Made and pulled apart many a time.

Hooking new patterns with a sick child on your lap is not ideal.

I loved making this Spring Fling washer.

I got the pattern from here.

And I had another go at the Scalloped Washcloth.

This time I used a smaller hook (3mm) and doubled the size.

The scallops look neater than last time but the edges are still a bit dodgy.

I am finding crochet patterns that start in the center and work outwards easier than those that work from side to side. I think I must have difficulty working out where the last stitch in the row is because the sides never end up straight.

This morning I made The Flower For Spring Dishcloth.

I'd like to make this one again at some stage with some matt cotton.

And although I hooked them and pulled them apart many times, the edges didn't turn out evenly.

So although I didn't get to the show to research my new passion for yarn, and have a bit of retail therapy of course, I did get quite a bit done. Luckily you can't see the state of my house though.

Bibs and Boots

My computer died yesterday.
It was a week old and has to go back to the shop tomorrow.

I have had to wait in line all morning to use the family computer.
Aaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!

Friends of ours had twins a week ago.
A girl and a boy, Sasha and Zac.

I've made them a bib and a pair of boots each.

It's been so nice to be back on the sewing machine again.
Crochet has taken up all my creative energy for a while now.

While on the machine last night I had a few ideas about combining the two (crochet and sewing). We'll see where that goes.

It felt comfortable making these two very familiar patterns.

I loved the opportunity to make the masculine and feminine versions.

It'll probably be a few weeks until I get to meet these two tiny bundles of joy but I can hardly wait. I can also hardly wait to see their parents who I have known for years and years but never as a Mum and a Dad.

These will go in the post in the morning and hopefully my computer will be back before too long and I'll be able to see what this post looks like on a proper screen without lining up for the pleasure.