We're not getting goats.
I'm not sure that I ever mentioned the fact that we thought we were getting goats here, but now we're not.
In the very beginning of this story, the goats were cows.
As part of our homesteading plans, we decided we needed milking cows, probably three. A mama and her calves.
We wanted to stop buying treated milk in plastic bottles, we wanted to stop outsourcing another food that we could produce ourselves, we wanted the cow's poo, we wanted the relationship with another animal and we desperately wanted to experiment with making our own cheeses and yogurt.
So we started researching house cows and while we were in the process of reading and googling and asking around, some gorgeous goat farming friends of ours suggested a milking goat instead and the plans changed.
The cows became goats.
A mama goat and her two kids would provide us with everything a milking cow would but be smaller and more manageable, would help us with our blackberry problems, and would milk less but for longer.
And so we drove out to their farm, met the lovely pregnant Giselle and went home to wait until springtime when she kidded and could come and live happily ever after at our place.
In the meantime we made plans, read lots, spoke to some experts and had some milking lessons.
On the Wednesday before the Friday we were to go and pick our new goats up, I decided we couldn't. I am hardly ever definite when it comes to big farming decisions, but this time I was. It came out of nowhere and I knew it was the right decision.
If we got goats we would be tied down. Every single day, twice a day, we would have to be at home to milk the goats. Every single day, no matter what.
Yes, we could share the goats but that would take time to sort out. Yes, we could probably let the kids drink the milk if we weren't there to milk, but then would they make enough milk for us when we wanted it again?
All of a sudden there were more questions than answers.
All of a sudden it felt like those three goats were going to tie us right down just at the point in time where we have given ourselves some freedom. All of a sudden it felt like those three goats would gobble up more of our time than we have to give. All of a sudden it felt like those goats would drown us in our to-do lists. All of a sudden it felt like we couldn't be 100% certain that those three goats would come here and live the very best lives three goats could live.
So we made the call. And we grieved for a little while.
Maybe when they're older? Who knows.
But for now I'm happy with following my feelings. With trusting myself.
I'm still buying milk but I can stay out all night if I want to (ha!).