love + sunflowers

Hello my sunshiny friends,

I hope you're doing well.

I posted all of these photos onto my blog last Friday before it overheated and I had to turn it off and walk away.

Today I am writing to you while my my computer sings a haunting gravelly crunchy sounding tune as back-up to my typing. I'm trying to ignore it and quickly get my thoughts tapped out, but I fear that at any moment there'll be a puff of smoke, a spark, and then everything will disappear into a cloud of smoke.

It feels ironic that as soon as I weighed the pros and cons and decided to continue blogging this year, real life in the form of technology got in the way and made it impossible.

I have so much to tell you; Indi ticked another rite of passage off her list and got her driver's license, then she had a farewell party, packed her bags and flew off to the other side of the globe and we four came home from the airport overwhelmed with the thought of trying to find our rhythm without her. A few days later Jazzy and Pepper picked bunches of flowers for their teachers and went off to start their new school years - Jazzy in year 10 and Pepper in year 6. The flowers are at that exciting stage where there's something new to see every time you walk down the garden rows, and there's finally enough produce to pick to fill our baskets and our tummies. Today we ate cheese, sliced tomato and cucumber on crackers and it finally felt like summer...yum!

And I've been reading a lot (just finished The Clever Guts Diet by Michael Mosley), listening to podcasts, trying to find a show to watch after finishing Shtisel (which we LOVED!), I haven't spun or knitted for weeks but I have watered and weeded and picked and planted, and I've spent a lot of time thinking about this year and what I want it to look like.

Ahhhhhh just as I had a few moments of quiet from the computer and contemplated writing a proper blog post after all, it started up with its loud crunchy noise reminding me of who really is the boss.

So I'm going to say goodbye for now. Hopefully, if all goes to plan, we'll get this problem fixed up early next week and I'll be back to regular programming by next Friday. Fingers crossed.

Until then, I'd love to hear about you.
Have you got exciting plans for this year?
Are you obsessed with gut health?
Can you feel my panic about my computer from there? Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

Sending lots of love and sunflowers,

Kate xx

eighteen

Yesterday our Indigo had her eighteenth birthday and this afternoon, at 5.15pm, she'll put her pen down on her last exam and officially finish her life as a school girl forever.

I've been thinking a lot lately about how when most people consider having babies, they think about having babies and possibly toddlers, but never about having grown up kids.

For me so much of it was about the chubby little babies, about breast feeding, about wooden toys and cloth nappies, and about parenting close to nature in a way that felt wild and free. I'm sure I had visions of picnics in the sunshine where babies napped on blankets and beautiful scenes where toddlers ran through meadows of wild flowers with butterflies flying all about them.

I remember a phone call from Bren's mum Rene not long before Indi was born urging us to make a list of practical things a baby would need and to start crossing them off. Spurred into action we rode our bikes to some local op shops and bought bags full of baby clothes. Then we spent the next few weeks dying and appliquéing. 

Eventually she gave up and took us and our list shopping for nappies and buckets and a bath herself. I can still remember standing in the queue to pay with an enormous belly but still unable to imagine actually using these things. At that stage it was still all about the birth. It was hard to imagine the baby.

Let alone the teenager. 

And then there was a baby Indigo. And eight months after she was born we moved to the country to give her that wild and free childhood. We grew our own veggies, we kept chickens and goats and rabbits and alpacas, we made a circle of friends with children the same age, and when she was five she started school.

It's funny to think of how different those first few years of school are to the last.

On Indi's first day of school we knew the teacher and her family well, we knew almost every child in her class and after she said goodbye and went into the classroom, we spent the rest of the morning with the other parents celebrating and commiserating. We couldn't believe how big they were, we were scared they wouldn't be able to undo the clasps on their lunch boxes, find their ways back to class after recess, or make it to the toilet in time.

On her first day at high school,

and then her first day at her second high school, we dropped her off without knowing the names of her teachers, or many of the kids in her class, or how she got to be so big and independent.

Which brings us to today. To an 18 year old, adult, almost no longer school girl.

Even though the hours and the days and the months and the years and sometimes the minutes felt so long, I still can't quite work out how we got here. How Bren and I raised a whole adult. An intelligent, creative, sensitive, empathetic person.

Last night on the phone one of my sisters asked me if I had gotten over the drama of Indi's birth yet. If I had come to terms with the planned home water birth that ended up as an emergency cesarean? Oh gosh yes, I told her, Indi is so full of life, she's so magical and interesting and so full of potential. It's hard to imagine her not being here and how she got here seems inconsequential.

Late last night lying in bed with my eyes closed I thought about those words I'd spoken and I let the feelings they brought up swirl around me and I realised that I've come full circle. 18+ years ago I could hardly imagine the baby and here I am now watching this incredible grown person. She feels bigger than what we've given her and so very ready for what's to come. I have to think really hard to remember that fat squishy baby.

In the Hebrew language the word life or alive chai  is made of two letters - a chet and a yud. In Hebrew each letter is given a numerological value, in this case the chet is 8 and the yud is 10, together they make 18.

The more I think about that, the more I love it.

You're 18 Indi!! You're alive!! We wish for you the greatest adventures. We hope you meet incredible people and make life-long friends. We hope you live a life filled with creativity and music and passion and fun and flowers. We hope you travel the world and we hope that you come home to visit. We hope that you never stop learning and that you get lots of opportunities to teach. We hope that when you're knocked down you remember how strong you are and that you can deal with it. We hope that you remember how great it makes you feel to put your feelings into songs.

And we hope that wherever you are in the world, whatever you're doing, that you know how cherished and adored you are and how very proud of you we feel.

And with that it's time to sign off and drive you to school for what might just be the very last time.

Happy, happiest birthday Indigo apple!! Let the festivities begin!!

Love xx

third day photo

It took us three days to get the first day of school photo this year.

On the first day, Wednesday, the early wake up and rush out the door was such a shock to the system after the long summer holidays that everyone was way too grumpy for me to even suggest it.

Instead we all five of us bundled into the car, drove all the way to the big girls' school, sat through their morning meeting, and then the other three of us spent the rest of the day wandering through The Garden of St Erth in the rain and the wind. 

We had such a lovely time. Miss Pepper grabbed the map and took us on the tour stopping at each significant tree and pointing out all of the plants she knows the names of. As mixed family farmers who barely get a chance to look up from the spot we're weeding, it's such a gift to look through another garden. To notice how cleverly they've interplanted vegetables in amongst their shrubs and flowers. To observe that the forest they're surrounded by, is the same as ours and how the garden nestled into a corner feels like a lush oasis. To see how seamlessly they've incorporated structures like arches and benches into the gardens without making it look old and formal. To recognise some plants and to be completely unfamiliar with others. To discuss our garden and how we can incorporate perennial borders, under-tree plantings and paths through the bush.

On the way out we bought some flowers, of course, and I satisfied my need to have more echinacea plants in my world. 

The big girls had good days too which was a bonus.

I didn't have any luck getting that 'first day photo' on the second day either.

Miss Pepper was straight out the door early to pick flowers for her new teacher and her new principal, but someone else had terrible period pain and then it just got too complicated. Instead my mum took the big girls off to school and we went to Pepper's first day assembly. And then coffee, and then home to the quiet we had been imagining for days.

Only it wasn't quite calm, or relaxing. The fierce wind that had blown in with the cool change a few days before had knocked over so many of the plants and everything needed tying up and staking or composting.

After that we went through and picked the cucumbers and tidied up the (still unripe) tomatoes.

All day I felt restless and agitated and couldn't work out if it was my way of adapting to the demands of the new school year, if it was the super moon and its accompanying winds, if it was the irritating insects that we're having problems identifying who are eating our precious dahlias, or if it's just because - no reason, no conclusion.

But all girls came home from their second days happy. Indi drove half way home from school, we picked a box full of plums, we went for a walk through the forest and to my great surprise, everyone was in bed by ten o'clock.

And then guess what?!

On the third day I got my photo. A few actually.

This year Indi is in year 12, Jazzy year 9 and Pepper year 5.

This morning they took me by complete surprise and came into the kitchen chirpy and happy. All three at once. So of course I grabbed my chance, shoved my new flowers at them and snapped photos as they made silly faces and posed. YES!!!

After that I drove them out to school. On the way home I listened to a podcast without any interruptions (!!) and then sat with my farmer boy in the sun-room reading in silence.

And so it begins: the timetables, the alarms, the driving, the homework, the organising, the watching the clock, the after school activities, the meetings, the emails, the juggling, the 'what's for dinner?', the checking the family diary, the bed times...I hope I can keep up, I hope I can stay on top of things, I hope I can be everywhere I need to be, I hope I can find some time for me in there somewhere...

I hope that they learn a lot, I hope that they love a lot of what they learn, I hope the world opens up to them a little bit more, I hope they have lots of adventures, I hope they find ways to cope with difficult situations, I hope they are patient and kind and are met with the same, I hope they find opportunities to lead and be led and above all, I hope this year is a really, really good one.

And just quickly before I go;
I'm reading - my mum's copy of The Break by Marian Keyes
I'm watching - (well actually watched and loved) - American Folk - The Movie
I'm listening to - the Modern Love podcast
I'm eating - new season's Jersey Mac apples, so close now
I'm hoping - that the wind dies down so I can plant all of my new flowers in the garden this afternoon
I'm cooking - plum leather in the dehydrator from the foxslane archives
I'm knitting - the front of my Mirehouse

Just before they left for school this morning Pepper asked me to consider changing my blog day to a Monday so I'm not still writing when the weekend arrives, Indi suggested I write this blog about the ever elusive first day of school photo, and Jazzy put on a funny voice and recited some of the questions I would probably end with.

So here they are - to be read in your silliest, posh voice.
Do you have a first day photo tradition in your family?
Do you think it still counts as a first if it's on the third?
(It just occurred to me that this is the last year that there'll be three in the first day of school photo. Woah! Now I'm especially glad I persevered.)
Do you have any other start of school rituals?
Do you miss them when they're gone?

I hope you have a wonderful weekend.

Bye now!

Love, Kate x

ps I have the words 'unapologetically herself' written on my hand in pen. I read them this morning in a chapter of my mum's latest manuscript and cannot let them go. How good!

school's in

It might just be impossible to write the blog post I want to write this morning.

It's Thursday, Bren is probably on his way home from driving the girls to school and I'm alone at the kitchen table in what would be a silent house but for the hummmmm of the dehydrator. All week I've been thinking about how to tell this story from my perspective. How to tell of the early days of starting a new school but without giving any of the girls' personal feelings or anecdotes away.

A while ago, when my girls were not so little anymore, it occurred to me that I have to keep them out of this blog to respect their privacy and their rights to tell their own tales and develop into their own people. Mostly I think I have succeeded although there have been times when we've had to workshop certain issues as a family and come up with solutions that suit everyone. If I stick to my thoughts and feelings and happenings then generally I am safe.

Although I do want to keep to these self imposed rules, I must admit that the censorship means that I am mostly telling less than half of the story and leaving out the best bits.

I long to tell the truth about our experience of parenting adolescents and teens. I'd love to talk about the struggles, the solutions, the failures and the joys. These years have challenged me way beyond the newborn years, they have thrilled me, terrified me, made me scream, and laugh and feel more full of love than I ever thought possible. Maybe if you've been visiting Foxs Lane for a while you've read some of this between the lines. Maybe you have no idea what I'm talking about. I wish I could document these years more openly and feel that cathartic feeling that pressing publish on a meaty post brings. I wish I could read your feed back and know that you're going through it too, or that you remember when you did, or offer me advice, or reading material.

But while I have chosen to have a public profile, while I have chosen to air my dirty laundry for anyone to see, they have not decided the same.

So the story of starting a new high school 50 minutes away from here, a school that until two days ago didn't exist, is told from the mother's perspective only. I'll use broad sweeping statements and tell little bits of the story but if you read between the lines you'll notice the beginnings of something sparkley.

So far the commute has been long but easily doable between the six of us. The different starting and finishing times feels annoying but eventually will surely become valuable social time or homework time. The fact that there is homework assigned still doesn't make sense to me. I'd much prefer them to work outside on the farm or play with their sisters or friends after a day spent in classrooms. But they are enjoying the introductions to their subjects and looking forward to the benefits that a creative arts based school can provide.

Socially, my sweet friend Cath put it best when she described it as turning up at the best party ever - but alone. But knowing my girls, they won't be the new girls for long.

So I guess that's it. Day three and my shoulders are starting to relax and my stress headache is disappearing. It's still early days but I'm feeling a little bit optimistic in our decision.

I know from my limited experience parenting adolescents that there is no such thing as a smooth ride. That there will be bumps and skids and headwinds. I'm just hoping that our girls feel creatively fulfilled. That they feel included and challenged and empowered and educated. I hope they walk out of class sometimes feeling like they are buzzing with the excitement of new knowledge and the big wide world opening up to them. That they feel empowered to change their minds and then change them back again. I hope they feel inspired to go to places they've never been and to stay up late at night reading everything they can about a certain subject. I hope they want to go to school most mornings. I hope they make strong, life long friends.

And I hope we can maintain some sort of Jarrah/Indi/Pepper/Kate/Bren/farm/home/community balance.

I have so many hopes.


Love Kate
xoxo

the path

Last Thursday Little Red Pepper dressed up to celebrate the end of Fairy Tale learning at school and I rugged up in two pairs of woollen socks, tights, leggings, a singlet, a long sleeved top, a woolly jumper, cover-alls, a rain jacket, a scarf and a beanie. She looked adorable and I could barely move.

A few days earlier, the principal of the girls' school had asked farmer Bren if we could come and lay some pavers between the preps' classroom and the main building where the high traffic and the wet weather had made a muddy, slippery mess. One parent had donated the pavers and we filled the back of the ute with shovels and trowels, a rubber mallet and a broom and we drove to school to get to work.

First we marked out the winding path, then we cut out the dirt and grass and levelled it, filled it with buckets of sand-pit sand, laid the pavers, banged the pavers in, poured sand over them, swept the sand in the gaps and cracks, built up the edges with the dirt we had dug out and then stomped on the whole thing back and forth a few times to make sure it didn't move.

And although we had chosen Thursday because it wasn't meant to rain, I think it was one of the coldest days I can ever remember. The clouds were so low that we couldn't see Wombat Hill right behind the school, the ground I was kneeling on felt like a wet block of ice and I'm certain my fingers and lips were blue. But gosh we had fun and laughed a lot.

I loved spending the day off the farm with Bren working hard and doing something really constructive. I felt warm and fuzzy every time a teacher or parent or student walked past us and chatted and thanked us, I loved how excited the kids were with their new path and I enjoyed that exhausted feeling of a job finished and well done at the end. But by far the best bit was at home time when we stood with a bunch of school people at the end of the new path and watched as one by one people danced and moon-walked and shuffled back and forth down the path. There was so much laughter and silliness and happy community feeling. It felt like we were part of something wonderful. Something really good.

I have no doubt that by next week the path will be just a path, used but not really noticed, but that afternoon it was something more.

Later on after we got home, showered, changed, had a few cups of hot tea and finally thawed out a little, I told my farmer boy that that day had been one of the happiest I could remember. I feel like we are so lucky to be a part of such a special school, so blessed to be able to spend our day together getting stuff done and I am so grateful for the kindness we receive in return.

And then my farmer boy told me that he believes that the real key to happiness is doing things for other people.

Yeah!! Real, true happiness is not a selfish act. Real true happiness comes from giving and from community and from a place of generosity.

And then I had one of those moments where everything becomes really clear and makes sense. I love it when that happens. Now I can't stop thinking about how to put all that into play in a bigger way in my life.

I hope you have what you need friends.

Happy solstice!



xx



The more we care for the happiness of others, the greater our own sense of well-being becomes.

His Holiness Dalai Lama

ups and downs

I'm all over the place. Honestly I don't even know how to compose this blog post.   Such a big week, so many emotions, so many words, too many ups and downs. Sigh.

Early in the week we had days and nights of the most ferocious winds that tore through poly tunnels, broke beautiful established plum trees in half, ripped apart tomato plants and made such a mess of so many eucalyptus trees. That wind kept us up over nights, rattled us to the bones and reminded us of how teeny and insignificant we are in the scheme of things. It also made me question a lot of what we do here and why. It made me teary and oh so weary.

On two mornings this week I broke my I am not a morning person rule, and got up with the sun to run around the block. There is something so moving and uplifting and thrilling about running through the cool summer morning's air, watching the light sparkle on its way through the forest trees, over the paddocks and in the cottage windows. I have never, ever liked to get up earlier than I have had to, but running 5,000 steps alone, in complete silence before coming back to face the chaos of the pre-school rush, might actually change me. It is good for me. There is hope.

Then there are the back to school resolutions from my last post that I have managed to smash through already. I haven't been going to bed earlier, I haven't been all that organised, I haven't really got a grand plan yet and I have not at all risen above the school yard bitchiness. Not even close.

But I have had a bit of extra time. When I got the crazy, mad urge to try to knit a feather (top pic), I did.  I also made some yummy treats for lunchboxes and delicious dinners. I thought I might sew a skirt, but once I had gathered the fabric, tracing paper, scissors and tape measure, I felt overwhelmed and put it all back again. But I did find a new belt on a quick dash into an op shop yesterday. I haven't been into an oppy for months. It was fun. And I had a few long overdue coffees with friends. Uninterrupted conversation is such a gift.

And then I had this moment this week at a meeting with one of my girl's teachers, where I looked over at my three sitting around me listening quietly and I felt like I could burst with pride. Explode right there in the classroom. Such great love. Such good girls.

I knew all along all week that I needed to write a blog. That I would feel better once it was out. But I didn't. I don't know why I didn't, but I didn't. My laptop stayed closed and I found a zillion other things to do instead. I didn't read any blogs or write any blogs this week. Weird.

I could go on. So many highs and lows but not many in-betweens. I'm feeling a bit directionless. Like the wind unbalanced me. Like I don't know where I'm headed. Like I need a grand plan that gives me butterflies in my stomach. I love the idea of going with the flow but it's not working for me at the moment. It's making me want to escape and run away. It's making me want to pack up and drive north. Or maybe just back to bed with my book.

Sigh.

Thank goodness for the weekend.

Thank goodness for knitting (thanks Dad xx)

How're you feeling?

Big love

xx

happy new school year!

When you really think about it, the day before the first day of the new school year is a bit like New Year's Eve, don't you think?

In our house we have one starting back tomorrow and the other two, the day after.

We're spending the last holiday day much like we did the last day of the year; Lots of wistful looking back over the past six weeks and lots of hopeful dreaming of the future. Some organising, some plan making, some resolutions, lots of hoping for the best and a big family meal.

This school year I hope to be a bit (hopefully a lot) more organised, to be tidier, to go to bed earlier and to wake up earlier, and to try and make the routine fun.

I hope to be on top of the newsletters, the readers, the homework, the finger nails, the lice, the laundry, the activites and the other miscellaneous school stuff.

I hope to make creative lunchboxes, to not be overwhelmed with all the 'shoulds and have-to's and to listen to but rise above the stories of school yard bitchiness.

In our house we discuss the question of to school or not to school often. This year our girls will be going to school and so I hope to balance their lives with lots of practical farming lessons and experiences, lots of creativity and crafty stuff and lots and lots of homey fun.

And on a more personal note, I hope to utilise the hours that they are at school productively. I hope to make lots of stuff, grow lots of stuff, cook lots of stuff and still have time left over for friends and fun.

So here we go, happy new school year, let it be awesome!

Now I just have to remember to set the alarm.
And kiss the spunkiest farmer boy at midnight.

xx

EOS (end of school)

This week one year ago I was fully immersed in my book writing bubble. There was all this end of year stuff going on around me, but I was on a deadline. I had word counts and edits and chapters to write. I was locked in my office for hours at a time surrounded by scraps of paper and scribbled notes and photos and map books and print outs. My life was tap, tap, tapping away on the computer. It was such a crazy and intense time.

At one stage, quite possibly on the day my girls finished school, I remember my editor writing me an email all about how wonderful this week was going to be in 2013. How in 2013 my book would be written and out there in the big wide world. How I would have such a great present to give our teachers and friends and family. And how I would have more time. So much more time.

I remember clinging on to those words. At that time I could barely imagine finishing the next section, let alone the whole book.

And yet here we are an entire year later. It happened.

Last night we had a little family ceremony to celebrate and mark the passing of another school year.

Each one of us took our turn to strike a match, to light a candle, to make a little speech about the school year that was and to burn some school work.

It's been an enormous year in the history of our family. Miss Indi started high school and dealt with that roller coaster of highs and lows. Miss Jazzy swapped over to another school and blossomed. And Miss Pepper did her year of prep and loved it.

We learnt languages and techniques and reasons and stories.

We learnt lots about other families and other kids and social networks.

At home we did projects and spelling words and readers and maths. We woke to alarm clocks, we washed uniforms, made lunches and braided hair. We dropped off and we picked up.

We clocked up the absences by taking time off to travel to Israel, to Queensland, to farm, to publicize my book and to hang out.

And we did OK, and we could have done better and we did great .

And as it happens Jacqueline my editor was right, my book came out and this summer I have so much more time and so much more space. And because of last year I know how precious that is. And I am ridiculously grateful. And I intend to make the most of these weeks of school free days with my girls. I intend to make and bake and farm and grow and swim and relax with them, with no time tables or deadlines or due dates at all.

Thank goodness for the summer holidays!

Can you believe there are only two weeks left of this year?

Big love to you wherever you are. I hope you have time, I hope your deadlines are manageable and I hope you have yummy things to eat.

xx

The cutest kids book giveaway!

Last week the peeps at Penguin sent me this gorgeous book in the mail.

The night it arrived, I read it to Miss Pepper about six times.

The next day she took it to show and share at school and her teacher read it to the class a few times.

And since then we've read it a few more times together and she's taken it off and read it by herself a couple of times too.

It really is the most gorgeous book.

The words, the details, the pictures, the characters, the emotion....(yes I might have cried a bit the first time I read it).

And it is thorough! It covers so much of what we have experienced when our three have started school. And then it covers so much more than I ever thought of.

Like, it never occurred to me that going to the toilet at school might be a big and scary thing. Miss Pepper says she always knew where it was because we showed her, but that it is really confusing sometimes to work out which toilet is actually empty.

And I never thought of practising opening and closing a lunch box.

Or that there would be so many names. And personalities. And ways....

This book is filled to the brim with cute little preppy things.

Miss Pepper can relate to almost all of it. And the bits that she hasn't personally experienced, she can tell me stories about the kids who have.

Miss Pepper's teacher said she thought it was a really realistic picture of what starting school was like. 

I think the teacher in the book looks like Miss Pepper's teacher and I was pleased to see a little girl in the book's class with long plaits down her back.

We love this book!

We think it would be great to read to children preparing for school and also to those already there.

If you think you know just the child to share this book with please leave a comment below.

We have three copies to send to three lucky people!
(Australian residents only. Sorry.)

Please make sure you include a way for me to contact you.

And we'll announce the winners on Friday. Yay!

Happy Tuesday lovely people.

You gotta be in it to win it!

xx