At some stage and for some reason I took a breath and looked up and noticed a couple opposite us with a tiny baby, maybe three days old. The father was holding the baby, his arms like a cocoon, and the mother was hunched over weeping into her coffee.
It was weird but I recognised those sobbing, shaking shoulders. I knew those big, fat, swollen tears falling onto her lap and I felt that overwhelmed, out of control, helpless feeling I knew she was feeling. Well.
It was like I was her again. The brand new first time Mum on the way home from hospital with our new baby who we were besotted with. I was deeply, madly in love with our new family but also overwhelmed with the enormity of it all. Everything was new. I was exhausted. I could almost feel my shoulders bobbing in time with her sobs.
And at the same time I was also still me. Me sitting there on the other side of the table with my almost twelve year old. My child who made me into a mother all those years ago and now sat with me on the verge of woman hood. My big girl who taught me almost everything I know about parenting and now hung out with me as friends. My angel who by chance and accident and luck and a whole lot of love is becoming someone I am so incredibly proud of.
And then all of a sudden the woman opposite stood up and fled the room. And he, so obviously torn between his adoration of the tiny package in his arms and the love of his life who he knew needed him now more than ever, stood up and froze for a second.
And then he handed the baby to me, looked at me with pleading desperate eyes, gushed that he'd be back in a sec and ran out after her.
And then it was me and Indi and the tiniest, most sweet smelling bundle of sleeping baby.
We sat there for a second, frozen. And then my Indi asked me what words I could tell them to comfort them? How could I make them see through the haze of hormones and breast milk and nappies and exhaustion? And we sat there for a while gazing at and breathing in that perfect bundle. I wondered what she was thinking while I was contemplating my words that would come across as comforting rather than advising.
After a few minutes they returned. They took their baby, apologised for their tears and drama and thanked us. They couldn't keep their eyes off their baby and really didn't look like they needed any help from me at all.
So I took a deep breath and thanked them for letting us cuddle their most gorgeous baby. And I told them that I had been where they were almost twelve years ago to the day. That I remembered all those feeling so well. And that it would get easier and then harder and then easier again as time went on and then one day they too would be sitting with a twelve year old. A girl they could barely believe was that tiny baby not so many years ago. And a girl they would be so super proud of, and so in awe of and so honoured to share in her journey.
And in my dream we all hugged like old friends. And then they walked out to start their new life as a family and we walked out a bit sad to leave that little baby bubble but excited about all the new opportunities waiting for us.
It's been ages since I've remembered so much of a dream and so much detail. This one has haunted me all morning. When I retold it to Indi on the way to school this morning she said she felt like crying. I'm still trying to work it all out. I'm pretty sure it's about letting go and accepting and looking forward. I think it was a bit of a gift.
Are you a dreamer?
A remember-er?
An interpreter?
Oh and that photo at the top? A few weeks ago I went to the wonderful Beci Orpin's book launch and was lucky enough to get a show bag full of goodies to take home. In amongst the candle and notebook and hand cream and stuff were three gorgeous gorman place mats.
And while I am a lover of beautiful home wares, place mats which collect dropped food and then just have to be washed seem a bit silly to me.
So I turned the spotty one into a skirt.
I think the other two will become bits of clothing before too long too.
Such fun and perfectly springly teamed with a pair of OK OK tights don't you think.
Sweet dreams.
Bye! xx
A gift indeed. For all of us now.
ReplyDeleteHey Kate what an amazing, wonderfully touching dream.......wow!!
ReplyDeleteI dream regularly, in colour and of the most varied sort. One particular theme haunts my dreams. Whilst dreaming this I am happy, but when I wake and remember, it's not such a happy dream after all......
The brain/subconscious, is an amazing thing and even when we are sound asleep it's there working away and giving us these wonderful stories....
Claire :}
Dang, forgot to say .......love the skirts and tights...
ReplyDeleteClaire :}
What a beautiful, perplexing, heart warming yet heart breaking dream! You've woven words together so beautifully I was transported back to those first days with Bijou and how utterly overhwhelming it was. Not only the nappies, the tiredness, the feeding...but the love for her. Fall into bed so tired these days I don't seem to remember any of my dreams. Mmmm...maybe tonight. Hope your week is a lovely one.
ReplyDeleteSteph :) x
thisbrownwren.blogspot.com
Beautiful as always Kate. Sometimes I cannot recall my dreams; other times they haunt me for days.
ReplyDeleteYou made a place mat into a skirt...that totally rocks :)
Well I think your dotty placemat skirt is reason enough to believe that we are all okay in the end. We all figure it out and things fall into place and we do that because love, love, love carries us along. I think he was right to rush after the mother. I think that's what every good father should do, and vice versa. Protect the protectors, protect each other. We are nothing without support. x
ReplyDeleteOh that made me go all goosebumpy! What an amazing dream. xK
ReplyDeleteI think your interpretation was spot on, about feeling it's ok to let go of your younger self but at the same time acknowledging her and the way she felt as okay. I remember you said a few weeks ago that you were a bit sad that miss pepper was no longer a preschooler and that kind of feeling has probably been playing with your mind and emotions.
ReplyDeleteWhat a powerful dream you had! I can totally relate to those feelings, both the older mother and the new mother. My boys are 15 and nearly 13, but I can remember the depths of despair that those first few months brought me to. May we always remember to support and encourage those we see in distress, and never to belittle their troubles.
ReplyDeleteAnd meanwhile, the skirt is awesome, especially with the tights! You rock!
Dreams are so interesting- it's like life in a different dimension somehow. This dream speaks very deeply. Thanks for sharing yours. x
ReplyDelete....beautiful dream! It's the same feelings I had more or less 13 years ago with my first boy, the one who made me a mom (great gift ever!), Paolo a dad, we all a family! Beautiful and sometimes an hard experience!! If I could, I'll restart everything in the same way!!!
ReplyDeleteLove my boys, who are wonderful, and my hubby who supported me all these years!!
xxxx Alessandra
A beautiful reflection of life growing up and being a mother. Perhaps a little wistful of days gone past but seeking and enjoying the time to come
ReplyDeleteI really enjoy the way you are able to express the joys and sometimes trials of your life, thanks once agin for sharing
I remember reading that babies in a dream mark new beginnings.. Hope all your new beginnings are happy ones Kate ! Sure they will be : )
ReplyDeleteHow fascinating Kate and your dream is something all first time mums can relate to. I had many a sobbing moment... not pretty.
ReplyDeleteI remember lots of my dreams but one that I have had a few times is when my teeth crumble and fall out! It is apparently quite a common dream?! It always leaves me so freaked out.
x
Wow...that's really vivid! I sometimes remember dreams and then sometimes I forget them as soon as I'm up and starting the day. :)
ReplyDeleteai mama, it is indeed a gradual process, thankfully, the learning,the growing up, and then in the blink of an eye... this pulled at my heart so much, yes i have had similar dreams (sometimes would wake weeping) now especially that my own babies have all flown away. what matters (and i loved so much) was the beautiful love you and your girl share, your pride and obvious delight in her touches me deeply.
ReplyDeletep.s. loved the little blue sweater you made :) i just bought a book, knitting everyday finery, because of how lovely it was.
I have extremely vivid dreams. When I was small I was convinced I'd been to the North Pole to visit Santa Claus with my sister, mum, and the lady across the road. I can still describe the massive hall with red velvet curtains hanging on either side. Then, a few years ago I rang my mum to ask what happened to the green car we had when I was a kid. We didn't ever own a green car. I can even wake from a dream, think about how amazing it was and go back into it. I love that I can do that!
ReplyDeleteHi Kate, *sighs* *wipes away a tear* what a beautiful story Of your dream & so beautifully told.
ReplyDeleteI have a two year old girl and have not recalled a single dream since before she was born.
I hope you will write a book or three some day because I would snap them up and devour them!
Mollie
oh the letting go....its so damn hard isn't it?
ReplyDeleteI like the sound of what the first anonymous commenter said about a baby in a dream symbolising a new beginning.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if, among other things, your dream is about the fear of giving up that part of your life as the mother of very young children that has been your role for the last 12 years, and the fear of moving on to the next part.
In the dream you wonder what comfort you can give the young mother (an earlier version of yourself perhaps) and at the end of the dream you realise you don't need any help at all. You'll be fine. And of course you will. You'll be better than fine. xxx
I love this dream, and I cried. I'm sure it is exactly as you have interpreted, learning to let go and to embrace the new all at once. Beautiful..x
ReplyDeleteOh how true it is Kate when your daughter is starting to become a woman. I am going through that stage with Isabelle at the moment and I am very proud of her as she stands up for what she believes in, and also informs me of things that she thinks are not right. I havent had really intense dream like that for a long time. Maybe the baby was representing Indi to you, and that she is now longer a baby but growing up to be a wonderful person. I am sure one day in the future you will be telling Indi that everything will be all right and you will help her become a mother as wonderful as you!
ReplyDeleteThat is such a vivid dream Kate, I'm not sure I could recall one with so much detail and emotion. It sounds like such a surreal moment, looking back and then forward to new beginnings. xx
ReplyDeleteI cried too! Thanks Kate. Vickie
ReplyDeleteThis has brought back so many memories Kate, it feels like yesterday. It's not often that I can recall a dream so vividly but when I do there is always something I can relate it to.
ReplyDeleteReally love your skirt and those tights.
x
Nice post thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteso vivid... I had a little weep, and kept trying to remind myself that it was a dream you were writing about, but it sounds SO real. Oh, I remember those first days/weeks/months... nothing and no one in the world can prepare you for it can they? I cried for weeks, every time someone phoned, I cried and couldn't talk - I was so happy, but perhaps overwhelmed, and those amazing hormones go so out of control. It will be five years ago on Thursday that she was born, and my lovely girl is determined to catch the bus to her transition kindy class on Wednesday, all by herself... isn't it strange when they begin to have a life independent of you! Thanks for this beautiful post, and love the skirt by the way, perfect with those tights!
ReplyDeleteGorgeous Kate, that was so incredibly lovely and beautifully told.
ReplyDeleteI'm so cautious about retelling dreams because they tend to say so much about what's inside our heads, but that one was poetic. And full of grateful perspective.
and your fabulous placemat skirt is awesome.
xxx
What an amazing, vivid, movie like dream. Sounds like a letting go and growing dream to me too. I barely remember any dreams now, perhaps as I am getting too little sleep as I stay up late to paint my house or sew. I wanted to share the dress that I just sewed for my little girl that was 100% inspired by your crafty self. I bought a gorgeous dress from you over a year ago and it has had a lot of love. And then i kept hoping you would sell some more but you have been busy having caravan adventures and the like. So, I took a plunge with my very beginner skills and sewed my own. Gosh it is fun fun fun. So thank you again for being such a creative inspiration. ( now I am going to ferret around in case there are some placemats I should be paying more attention too- love the skirt) mel x
ReplyDeleteForgot to add- there is a pic on my current blog post. mel x
ReplyDeleteI love your dream, and your words. And goodness how I love that the father ran out to be with the mother. I think your dream is about unity too, and trusting that the right people will be in our lives at the right time to offer comfort, love and wisdom. Such a beautiful post xxxx
ReplyDeleteOh, tears here! Mostly because my heart has been both overjoyed and aching lately at the reality of my eldest turning 10 in the new year. Watching friends and family start their journey of welcoming little babies into the world, while I move into a world of our children growing into independent people. It feels like a whole other chapter for us, an exciting one but a little sad too......
ReplyDeleteWow! Thank you for sharing your amazing dream Kate... i believe momentous dreams are gifts too, from ourself?? Our soul? I had one BIG one at a very different crossroad in my life, as detailed and strong as yours... it perplexed AND helped and 12 years later i remember the details as strongly as the morning i woke. You are an inspiration and visiting here is joy Xx
ReplyDeletewow, love this post. What a deep dream...your writing always makes me tear up.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I feel like that sobbing mom with my three and two year old. life can get pretty stressful and confusing, especially for a 22 year old like me who is also trying for a college degree. Dealing with toddlers and tests is an odd balancing act. Lets not forget that my husband is military so we are living on the total opposite end of the country from familial support. bleh. sometimes I am that sobbing mom indeed!
But here is my recent post sharing photos of a day trip with the family. When I look at these photos, and see my daughters so happy, everything instantly feels like it is going to be just fine: http://www.thorntonjournal.blogspot.com/2012/11/lake-las-vegas.html
xo
Oh my what a dream! I often get very vivid dreams and they not only stay with me the next day but for weeks even months later. It always astounds me how dreams can trigger such strong emotions just like yours did. I often found that I would be drained the next day. We can always learn from our dream, I think. It is our subconscious telling us something.
ReplyDeleteMy big girl turns 12 at the weekend, so reading this was kind of spooky for me. Not in a weird way, but in a "the dream of a complete stranger, from the other side of the world, has captured my feelings so perfectly" kind of way. I think it's the being on the edge of womanhood thing. Her starting to make hormonally driven decisions..... hoping and wishing that her heartaches will be brief and her joyful moments plentiful. Before bed last night I read her your brilliantly written paragraph; about her making me a mother, teaching me how to be a mother and how intensely proud I am of the woman she's becoming. Another great post. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteMs Zeb
Hey! I was just thinking your birthday must have slipped by unmentioned... or maybe you mentioned it and I missed it?! In any case, belated birthday wishes my dear. Hope you had a lovely one.
ReplyDelete{... and crazy intense beautiful dreaming. I only have vivid dreams like that when I'm pregnant! i won't even start to try and interpret yours}.
much love and hugs
rachel xoxo
How wonderful to be able to wake up and recall a dream in such detail! I never know the details, jut wake up knowing I had a good or bad dream.
ReplyDeleteoh gosh Kate, this is so beautiful!
ReplyDeletethank you. x
Did you only cry and feel overwhelmed with Indi or with all three? X
ReplyDeleteLove the repurposed skirt Kate :) I can so relate to your dream and I still have times when I see a new mum with her crying baby and I suddenly realise I'm crying too and all the feelings of hopelessness come back like it was yesterday. (My youngest is 12 so it's about the same time span too.) There are times when I remember whole dreams and usually it's when there's a hook like this that relates directly to the everyday. Maybe it's a transition period; knowing that you've moved into a new phase completely now all the girls will be at school next year? Lovely dream... I think empathy is one of the greatest human gifts :) Kx
ReplyDeleteOooh, goose bumps. Beautiful. xx
ReplyDeleteHi I have just come across your blog - what an awsome vivid dream, reflecting life's turning points?! I have only had 1 vivid dream i still remember. I have 2 girls at 2 & 4. no time to enjoy sewing - I read other crafty blogs instead. hopefully that may change with one starting school next year. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteI love that you turned the place mats into a skirt. You're such a clever bean. x
ReplyDeletewoah what a vivid and deep dream. i think your interpretation sound about right. id love to dream like that. mostly i am lights out until i wake : )
ReplyDeleteYou are such a gifted storyteller!
ReplyDelete