Which ever way you look at it, today was an awful day.
I cried and cried and cried. Little things, big thing, medium sized things...it didn't matter, it was all too much.
The Jazzy middle child stuff.
The painful cold.
The mice eating our carrots.
The question of success.
Expectations that can never be met.
The 12 year old stuff that I can't talk about here. She is online, her friends are online and because it just doesn't seem right anymore.
The sad news that two friends are separating.
The fact that Miss Pepper is so divine and delicious and happy, like a gift, but that I know this wont last forever.
The thought of the home photo shoot this time next week. My house looks like a bomb site, I'm barely exaggerating and I don't know where to start.
The sorest lower back.
The end of an organic era.
The longest list.
Not winning at anything lately.
I could go on and on. And on and on.
When they got home from school, we bundled them into their jackets and hats and boots. We fed them carrots straight out of the ground and we started walking. Out the back gate, along the old railway, down the hill, by the for-sale dam, through the blackberry bit and home across the back paddock.
The air was icy cold and exhilarating. It felt like an adventure. It felt like fun. It felt like we all needed exactly that. To laugh and to chatter and to pretend to be old ladies, and to sing and to take big breaths of air right down into our bellies and to hug trees and to get snagged on blackberries and to forget all the day's stuff. To leave it at home.
It felt like there was only us in the world.
Later on at dinner, going around the table with our favourite parts of the day, every single one of the five of us said it was the walk. The walk was the winner.
The happiest end to the crappiest day.