Wednesday, June 26, 2013

nothing more than feelings

(Beetroot-mostly for a delivery but also for a salad for dinner)

I feel like so much of the time I am making it up as I go along these days.

I feel like I would rather be knitting.

I feel like I possibly shouldn't have spent the last hour sorting through the girl's clothing but I'm glad I did.

I feel messy and distracted and filled with butterflies.

(Winter cubby-house and kitchen-garden)

I feel like for me the words success and money don't go together.

I feel like I could cope OK with winter if it gave me sunshine filled days like today, every single day. Maybe it could rain only at night?

I feel so happy cuddling and watching and playing with the bunnies.

(Parsley on the door step)

I feel like the more that is expected of me the less I can perform.

I feel like this year was meant to be my cruisey year and instead has been a year of crazy personal challenges.

(Purple carrots without their ends)

I feel like I should tell you that we are selling a lot of our chookens. If you want to buy some chooks to lay or to make soup out of (sorry), please get in touch.

I feel like we might need to get a cat to take care of the mice in the garden issue.

(Rocket spiral)

I feel like having my parents across the road is a dream come true. I do!

I feel like our family need the school holidays DESPERATELY!!

I feel like I should deal with the cobwebs.

(Milk bottle frost/mice protectors)

I feel sorry for the gorgeous girl who has been trying to get in touch with me for days and who doesn't yet know that I never, well hardly ever, answer the phone.

I feel like we are burning through so much wood to keep two fires going 24/7 and we are only a month into winter.

I feel like drinking two litres of water most days has changed my life.

(Afternoon tea)

I feel really uncomfortable about having a profile pic taken for my press release.

I feel like I wish I had a house cleaner.

I feel beyond excited about the food forest going in down the bottom in the potato paddock. Oaks and quinces and mulberries and almonds and wallnuts and persimmons and rowans oh my!

I feel a little anxious about the weekend.

(Gorgeous golden broccoli)

I feel like sometimes parenting an almost teenager makes me behave like an almost teenager.

I feel like all day I look forward to reading a few pages of John Seymour in bed before sleep.

I feel like I could hug all of you who left a message or emailed me about my last post. You have no idea how much better and how supported you make me feel. I hope each and every one of you has felt happier and better and sunnier as the week has gone on.


How are you feeling?
What are you growing/cooking/creating/mending?

46 comments:

  1. It's a hard time of year, the freezing cold makes it all so much harder. I've been loving the winter sun so much, I'm hoping it fuels me to get through the dark cold days that are inevitably close. The winter is frightfully quiet for our business, which is all kinds of stressful. I love that you all just rug up and head out walking together, its very special and the best way to end a day..x

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  2. I love your honesty! Its very refreshing and real. I am crocheting a beanie for myself, pumpkin soup in the slow cooker and gingerbread men in the oven. This is our first winter down south (we moved to Denmark WA in January) and I am loving the cold and the distinct change of seasons. I just want it to rain for days so that I can bunker down and do some sewing. Thanks so much for your beautiful blog. I love everything about it!

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  3. I feel like I'd like to just shut the world out, knit, sip coffee by the fire, read, sleep and eat yummy soup. If only.. I know I feel that way because at the moment so much of my life feels out of my control and I don't like that at all.

    Thanks for sharing your feelings

    cheers Kate

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  4. I feel like I wish I was back in the southern hemisphere having a rainy winter instead of a rubbish summer.
    I feel like I wish I had a cleaner too.
    I really feel like gardening after reading your post.
    And, I feel like a quick knit too.

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  5. I think I may be going through what you are going through. There is so much to look forward to in my life but there's also a load of stuff dragging me down. When will we ever get our house finished (decorating and renovating has been going on for 3.5 years and I've just about had enough of it!), I can't find a part time job, do I really want a part time job, kids picking up every bug going, clutter, dust, just too much stuff in our house. The garden is a complete mess. I think I'm feeling down as I haven't crocheted in over a week. A spot of crochet in the evening melts away all the stress and worries. xxx

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  6. I love reading your blog and envy you for the freedom of living/working with your family and growing such beautiful food. We all have crappy days but thanks for sharing..it means most of us are all "normal"..

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  7. ¿Sabes que he descubierto yo en estos ultimos años? Que muchas veces las preocupaciones son como las nubes que tapan el sol, estas nubes las podemos alimentar con nuestros pensamientos negativos, y se hacen nubarrones grandes y negras!!! Pero si observamos , expresamos lo que sentimos, y dejamos fluir , los nubarrones van pasando y al final sale ¡¡¡siempre el sol!!!! La vida es cambio y movimiento...es alegrias y tristezas...risas y llantos... Un saludo muy cariñoso desde España.

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  8. Winter does that doesn't it? It mixes you all up. Sounds like you need a cat to get rid of those pesky mice, you don't want them nibbling your hard work. There's always next week to look forward to. Jo x

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  9. Golly that's an awful lot to think about all at once! I think it's something us women tend to do isn't it - deal with too much, worry too much. Do look after yourself Kate... After several years of dealing with (stressful) changes in my life, my brain was so used to running on 'full speed' that I felt like I couldn't switch off... I'd feel overwhelmed by all the small 'stuff' in my life and often felt unsettled or anxious for no clear reason - to the point where I was diagnosed with anxiety and had to take some big steps to change my ways!
    I recommend more cuddles with the bunnies and your girls! :)

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  10. Hi Kate. Your vegetable photos warm my heart especially the rocket spiral. If I were closer I would buy some chooks, I would call in tomorrow with a box or cage and have a coffee. I am not a huge cat fan but I detest mice...get a cat I say.

    Amber offers some really wise advice for all of us doesn't she?

    Since you kindly asked I am feeling mediocre after 4 days with the man of the house away on business. But I am growing heaps of winter vegetables and sometimes that is what keeps me going x

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  11. I feel like if I wrote down how I've been feeling these past days I'd start crying & not stop for a long time.
    Parenting a 13 year old is harder than I ever imagined. I am getting my arse kicked on a daily basis. I thought it'd be fun. It's not.
    I noticed today that something is feasting on my veg- mainly the spinach & silverbeet. I'm not sure I have the energy to fight the critters but as they are my favourite veg I feel like I should at least try.
    I've made my mum one if Kootoyou's cowls for her birthday next month. I've started some fingerless gloves. I'm not sure they'll get finished. My time, energy & headspace is filled with getting through the days right now but I'm going to try.
    Hugs & love Kate xx

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  12. I shall be seeing you on the weekend and I feel every day that I would like a house cleaner.

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  13. Hola Kate. Si de a poco las cosas se ven mejor. El frió hace que nos querramos sentar adentro. Los niños están cansados. Pero una vez que nos aclimatemos. Estaremos mejor. Espero que tu semana mejore mas!!! Yo tengo unos guantes sin dedos que no puedo traducir el patrón y un chaleco a medio hacer. espero poder sentarme a tejer un rato. Todavía esta semana no se me dio. Muchos saludos!!

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  14. I'm planning a 25th anniversary trip to your beloved Australia next year :) Someone once said-life is like train tracks-there's usually something good and bad happening along at the same time. Hope your good overshadows the hard stuff.

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  15. Does it make you feel any better that we all have the same/similar feelings a lot of the time? I have three teenagers. And I am surviving!

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  16. I would love to be your housekeeper. But I live in the U.S.A.

    Adopt me? !!

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  17. As Lisa Mary says above, we are all having the same feelings so never feel you are on your own. I have a 'just' teenager and an older teenager which gives a whole new aspect to parenting. Challenging, growth spurts, arguments and cuddles a bit later when they want to revert back to being their pre-teenager years. It's hard, but I'm gradually finding that if you laugh along with them it's like taking a 'chill pill', and stops some of the angst! I hope you start to feel more settled soon. Take care. Chel x

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  18. I love the rain, but not when I need to do laundry. Especially not when I thought it wouldn't rain that day and it starts just when the washing machine is finished or just as I hang the last thing on the line. Good luck with the almost teenager.

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  19. Really lovely and heartfelt post Kate. My wife gets a small case of the SADS - Seasonal Affective Disorder - every winter, but life moves on so quickly that just as everything starts to look a little hopeless, the days are well into getting longer, the weather improves, and everything seems right in the world again.

    I had to chuckle at your comment about the phone. In my regular job as a project manager, all I ever did was spend my whole day talking on the phone, but as a new parent, I couldn't care less about answering the bloody thing! I should change my voicemail to suggest they write me a txt or an email instead, and I might reply when I'm up during a late night fed, if they're lucky!

    I got a bit excited when you mentioned Rowan trees - we have one smack bang in the middle of our backyard! I've only come to the realisation after having lived with it for 6 years that you can make some sort of marmalade from the fruit, but I've never done it - is this what you intend to do? I might just give it a go myself this year!

    Best put my sleepy daughter back down for the night, and get some more shut-eye myself. Chin up, you're doing great, and tomorrow is another day closer to Spring.

    Michael from Suburban Digs.

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  20. I love this post. It kind of reminds me how my brain works most of the time - a bit all over the place but strong and emotional. My vote is that you sit down for a day and knit and knit and knit and then read and read and read. Give the kids toast for dinner and cuddle them on couch until they're sleepy.
    There you go, I've just planned my day too! xxx
    P.S. Your photos are amazing.

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  21. I know of an old lady who, too frail to reach up and clean the cobwebs away, throws sparkly glitter into them! Maybe try that the next time you're having a truly shitty day x

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  22. Your photos are beautiful as always. regards Kathy A, Brisbane, Australia

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  23. The thing about winter is it is almost a third over. Yay! The days are getting longer. Yay!
    Oh goodness...parenting kids never seems to get easier. My baby is 20, she has a young man in her life now and I feel she is too young for such a relationship. But what can I do, she is her own person and I can't hold onto her for ever. I feel the loss of something beautiful we have had as someone now has a more important place in her heart. I feel anxious that she is going in too deep too soon and too young. I feel concerned she will make decisions she will regret later. It's confronting and heartbreaking but somehow I have to manage. Many days I feel overwhelmed with emotions and just today when I thought I was doing o.k., something else has come up and I'm scared and anxious and heartbroken all over again. Letting go is so very hard. Mothering is the hardest job and in amongst all that parenting stuff, we have to find energy for our own relationships, our own place in the world, where we are at and where we want to go. And some days it all feels like a bit too much.
    I hear what you are saying and may tomorrow and the next day and the day after that bring you some sunshine, warmth, love and peace to fill up those places in your life that are overwhelming you.
    Take care,
    Anne xx

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  24. parenting a teenager the first time around is hard and we learn as we go, especially with the whole internet thing being an area no other generation has had to parent really until us, our first baby is now 20 and when she was 13 the whole MSN chat thing was starting and also Myspace!! it was hard to find boundaries and her friends always had more freedom than she did, she she was the last of her friends to have a phone as we weren't even sure about that then! Earlier this year she moved away to go to uni which broke my heart and she is 2 and half hours away so we see her sometimes and each time she leaves it's like she is leaving home all over again but I have to cope. She is studying, working and living with the lovely guy she has been with since they were 15 and she is happy, hard working and very independent which makes me proud. Our youngest is 14 and has been totally different and also it is amazing how much the internet has become part of our life since our eldest was that age. It can be so challenging especially when each of our children will act as different teenagers, it can seem to improve then get hard again but you have so much love and such a strong family unit it is the best place a child/almost teenager could hope to be in(even if they don't agree at times) I hope you are feeling calm and happy knitting really soon, xxxxxxxx

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  25. I hear you with the year of personal challenge stuff! us too: )

    The last few years have been pretty hard and I was really hoping that this year would prove a bit easier you know maybe even boring a little but nope 2013 had other plans. Life happened at us while we were making other plans hehe ;)

    Ive got a few friends who seem to be going right through the wringer as well-not sure why but i feel its just one of those funny seasons where we need to find somewhere cozy to hunker down till the 'storm' passes.

    Hoping the school holidays is a nice renewing time for your family.

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  26. The topic is very refreshing and real. Stunning images, my favorite would be the image of a garden bed with the background of a shed, very similar with this type of garden sheds http://www.cheapsheds.com.au/garden-sheds/timber-garden-sheds/gembrook-3-6m-x-2-5m-x-2-65m-gable-roof-timber-shed-with-2-windows.html.

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  27. Nodding my head at much of what you're saying! Your garden is looking fabulous, loving the sunny weather here too at the moment. I'm watching the bees on my crimson flowered broad beans, small delights. I'm knee deep making upcycled woollies for an upcoming market after the school holidays. Enjoy :)

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  28. I've been feeling much the same about many of the same things. We had all had enough so we started holidays early! Lazy days of baking and knitting and reading and happy city days seeing art and visiting new cafes are making life feel a bit nicer now.
    P.S. we would love to buy some chooks! I will email you?

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  29. I feel like knitting and swimming, and I feel like going on a yoga retreat. And I feel like growing vegetables...

    Much love to you, lovely. xx

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  30. You know that feeling when you check the mail box and you find (amongst the shitty bills and crappy junk mail) a little bit of snail mail? The kind with handwritten address and postage stamps and stickers even!! The kind a besty sends you because she knows that when you find it you'll squeal and pop the kettle on and settle down and forget the rest of the stuff that makes the day blaaaaah... yeah? Well that's your blog Kate. For so many people. It's the honest to goodness, authentic, old fashioned, true, magical, mystical HONEST (did I mention honest, no... ok I'll say it again HONEST) snail mail. I love the see saw of you lifting us when you are a little down and then we lift you back up again. It's the way this roller-coaster ride called life is meant to be.... ♥♥♥♥

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  31. Loved your comment about having an almost teen makes you behave like an almost teen!!!That is so going on here at mine. I have actually found myself saying "whatever.." when talking to the kids and I can't be bothered to start another row about electronic gadgets! Love your site and the glimpses of your dreamy life. Your winter looks a bit like our summer today! xx from England

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  32. I feel happier after reading your posts
    I feel I should deal with the cobwebs too
    I feel pressured to do paid work when I'd rather be home with my family
    I feel like a cup of milo and snuggling into bed...and so I shall
    x

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  33. Hi Kate!
    Today I feel horried, I feel sad, I feel like there is hope for me and my family, here inPortugal. We are having the most cruel economic crises we ever have, and my husband, who works with the farmers, by selling rural material and farmer machines, is very worried, because they dont de paymants in time! So its very dificul to deal with it...
    But then, I look at may tow girlies, and I need to see a littel hope...
    Love your blog... It makes me dream a little, like living in australia, like you!

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  34. What a beautiful blog you have! I was at the Voices of 2013 yesterday and really loved hearing you speak - you were very honest and lovely and so is your blog! I'm excited to have a good read. Cheers, Mez

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  35. I just googled John Seymour & saw all sorts of entry's for the self sufficiency book... Sandwiched in between was obituary of John Seymour... Says it all. Love your family. Appreciate each day. Xxoo

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  36. Kate just reading the words Food Forest and I'm excited. I did an Introduction to Permaculture course through Milkwood last weekend and I'm beyond inspired after it. Can't wait to see how yours goes.

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  37. Oh!!!!!! You sound so normal.
    Blessings Gail

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  38. Hi Kate,
    I just found your blog, am having a lovely time reading through it, will take me forever but it is so wonderful.
    I am jealous of your lifestyle(doing it sooner than us and while your kids are still young).What a wonderful example for them. I am a just beginner blogger myself,only started about a month or so ago , you can see us at : Our Aussie off grid heaven.
    I can't knit or crochet, but I am a mad canner and bottler, just love the art of food preservation.
    Best wishes to you and yours,
    Cheers,
    Jane

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  40. You know what, Kate. Somehow reading your words always makes me feel like I'm connected to something very important. Thank you. x

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  43. Even in a state of unrest and confusion, you somehow make it look rather beautiful and dreamy.
    Step back and appreciate what you have....it'll give you the strength to work through the rough patches.

    Kate Jean xx

    http://www.wemightgetlost.com

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Thanks so much for stopping by...

I do read every single comment you leave and appreciate it very much, but I should let you know that I can be a wee bit on the useless side when replying to comments, that's just me, everyday life sometimes gets in the way....so I'll apologise now, just in case.

Kate XX

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