I've had one of those days. Some days are wonderful, some are crappy and some days are just blah, blah-di-blah-di-blah. Today has most definitely been the latter. You know those days, nothing is quite wrong but nothing is exactly perfectly right either. It's like I've used up all my energy, and have nothing left. I've been sighing a lot.
This morning I woke up, got everyone dressed and ready and then I took myself back to bed with my knitting. I never do that. I have way too much to-do, to do that. But today I did.
At the start I felt guilty and a bit embarrassed. Especially when my farmer boy came in from fixing the tractor and my Mum came over to show me her new hair. But I couldn't help it, I felt heavy and stuck.
But then I sat there under the blankets and knitted a few rows and thought about kindness and being kind to myself and realised that I had to stay there. I had to look after myself and honour the way that I was feeling. I had no choice.
And then I felt a bit teary thinking about some of the stuff that has been going on in my world lately. Some huge life changing stuff, some house rearranging stuff, some changing of the seasons stuff, some sickness, some excitement and a lot of other bits and pieces in between. Sometimes I find having a little sob by myself feels just so sad, but also so cleansing. It's nice not to have to explain it to anyone else and just to let it all wash over me and then off and away.
After a while I got out of bed and did some things. Nothing big or bold and nothing that meant I had to get dressed. But doing nice stuff made me feel a bit better and that was good.
First I made a rainbow out of lots of odds and ends of wool. Making tidy and making pretty at the same time was always going to make me feel a bit better.
Then I picked some celery from the garden for a snack. This is the first year that we've been able to grow such great celery and eating it and running my hands over the tops of those lush green fronds is a wonderful thing.
Then I finally wove in the ends of my face washers and popped them in a parcel to post to Cath for the Bellingen ladies to pop into their Day For Girls packs. What a honour it's been to play a little part in such an important project. Thanks for organising it Cath. x
Then I looked out and found this dead bird outside my window. Poor little, tiny bird. When I went outside and picked it up I was amazed at it's weight. For some reason I had thought that it would be light as a feather but it wasn't. It felt heavy and earth-bound. I hope it had a wonderful life flying about our farm being free and fabulous and died in its sleep and not from hitting our window.
Then I took some pics of all my motifs so far. What a wonderful project it's been. The crocheting time, the thinking time, the zoning out time, the patterns and colours and cottons. 21 motifs made, 10 to go, I'm going to miss this project when the month is done.
Then I did some clearing and cleaning up of my new crafty office space, more on that later, and came across this photo of another time and place. Only about seven years ago but a lifetime ago all the same. I miss those times and those smiling faces. (I'm sobbing again…..)
Then I picked some leeks for dinner. I planted so many leeks this year and now we need the space - every 'what's for dinner?' question works its way back from leeks.
And then I ended up back where I started, writing my blog in bed with my knitting for company when the words needed time.
In the end I had a difficult but surprisingly lovely day. The outside jobs never happened, I didn't do nearly as much as I'd hoped to inside either, but I listened to what was going on with me internally and I honoured that and was kind. Tomorrow I'll be better off for it.
Sending love and kindness out to you guys wherever you are, whatever you are doing.