Friday, June 7, 2019

riveting





The night after I wrote my last blog post I dreamt that I died.

I was haunted by the visions of my death-bed scene all that weekend. I couldn't shake the feelings and conversations and finality.

Eventually, when I just couldn't let it go, I called my mum for an explanation and some reassurance, and hopefully no ridicule. You see I am the parent who finds the long, painfully detailed descriptions of my kids' dreams terribly tedious. More than once I have uttered the word riveting in a sarcastic tone when they have caught me somewhere and begun to share a minute by minute play-back of their last 10 hours in slumberland. Nine times out of ten it doesn't deter them and I am treated to every single gory detail and held captive until they are done; elephants and nakedness and school-yards and teeth and everything else their precious subconscious selves have thrown at them while they were slumbering.

So as you can imagine I didn't take my decision to call my mum, our family's chief dream interpreter, lightly.

But eventually I did.

Once we got over the riveting bit and I filled her in on all the death-bed details, she got down to business. 'A dream about a death is really about the end of something and the rebirth of something else' she told me. In this case she thought it was most probably my blog. And although this feels obvious now, it felt like such a relief at the time not to have to worry that it was any sort of premonition.

The end of something tho - was it really the end?

When I had sat down on that last Friday to write my blog I had had no idea that I was about to take a break from it. I knew that there were problems, I knew that it had started to feel like more of a responsibility than a joy, and I knew that that one woman's demand of my content had rattled me, but still I had expected to post some photos, write some words and press publish. I certainly had not anticipated the death.

But my blog knew what I needed better than I.

10 years had been a great run but the time had come to take a break to ask myself some questions. I felt relief as soon as I admitted it to myself.

In the past month I have not missed my blog at all. I have not missed the pressure to find things to write about, the guilt to read and respond to other people's blogs, the small but growing fear that my words could and might be judged and used against me, and I have not missed the time it takes to put it all together - the words and the photos.

Those precious blogging hours.

As a work from home/on the farm mother, there was so often a measure of guilt involved as I sat at my computer writing my blog on a Friday while the to-do list exploded around me. But it was a decision we had made, and although sometimes I did have to do battle with the lists in my head, I guarded those hours carefully and refused to allow them to be compromised.

After I published my last blog, my friend Penelope wrote to me suggesting that I spend my usual blogging hours on some other creative project. At the time I loved that idea, but I soon saw how useful those hours were at the end of the week on the farm or in the house, and then they were quickly gobbled up.

But then as my missed month of May became June I decided that I would blog again on the first Friday. Even if it was just to say goodbye. And then leading up to the Friday I began to notice all the things that I have missed: the community, the creativity, the precious few hours put aside for myself, the record, the writing itself and weirdly - the typing on the computer keys. All the nos I'd been feeling became maybes.

I had hoped to come back here today with some answers about my blogging future. I had hoped to have done some research about a new platform. I had hoped that once I sat down here this morning that the words would flow out of me and decide for me, like they did last time. But unfortunately I've had too many interruptions to give them a chance to make themselves heard.

So my plan is to keep blogging for as long as it brings me joy and as often as I feel like it. I suspect that I won't be here every single week, but I hope that I'll be here at least once a month. Ideally I'd love for it to be more often, but realistically I know that I need to give myself space to only blog when I have a story I want to share.

And I guess it needs to be said that as much as I value your thoughts and opinions, this is my personal blog and I will blog about what I want to blog about when I want to blog about it. If you have a problem with what I choose to write about please unfollow me, if you have strong opinions and thoughts about content please feel free to share them on your own blog.

And finally, I'd like to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for being my community. For reading along over the years, for caring about our family and our way of life, for writing comments and messages, for not scrolling past, and for reading my long posts in a world that favours the quick snippets. You guys are the best!

I don't know when I'll be back here again, but it might be sooner than later as I just bought a new camera and I suspect I'll take lots of photos as I learn to use it. And then we're going to visit Indi soon and travel blogs are always fun to write...

Big thanks also to Miss Jarrah who braved arctic conditions to model for me in my latest knit-in-progress The Sólbein cardigan , hopefully I'll have the sleeves finished and be ready to steek it (cut it down the middle) by the end of the weekend.

And with that I'm outta here! No longer dead but not quite yet reborn.

I hope you have a beautiful weekend my Foxslane friends.


Love,

Kate x









248 comments:

  1. I'm so very happy to see you back here.
    Those photos are so beautiful as is the knitting. I've never dared to do anything requiring the steek method, but that cardie is so gorgeous I may be tempted to have a go.
    I recently had a dream about death too, not mine but still, I'm happy to know it's probably not a premonition.
    I love reading blogs, the longer stories, more photos and in yours the realness. I feel like there has been so much change within my family and myself that I'm not sure I can cope with all the online change as well. I'll always read your blog as long as you write it, but I may not be able to continue on social media. It's all feeling too much, too much sadness, too much change, just too much.
    See you next time
    Cheers Kate

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  2. Dear Kate,
    I'm happy that you're feeling in a better place with your blog, and very pleased to read one of those last paragraphs. Well done for deciding that this is your own personal space and yours to use how & when you wish.
    For me, blogging has changed over the years as my life has changed. I now blog about once a month, where as I used to write several times a week. I used to feel sad/guilty about this, but have realised that as life changes so will my blog.

    Happy blogging when/where you feel like it, and I look forward to reading your next post (even if it's in 6 months time!). And have fun with that new camera!
    Sarah x

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  3. Ahh it’s nice to have a reason to pop by for a visit. Feels like a neighbour has come home after time away and asked me over for tea.

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  4. I love your blog and especially the photos of the beautiful flower gardens. It was also really refreshing to read that you are taking ownership of your content, and putting it out there that it’s your blog! I love that. It’s like your house, when people visit you show them a good time but ultimately, they can’t judge you or tell you to rearrange the furniture or paint the walls a different colour because it’s YOURS. There ain’t nothing wrong with that! Thank you for sharing a bit of your world with us, I really appreciate that you do take time to blog, when you can. I have recently started my own blog, just for me, after blogging and running a creative business for everyone else for years and it’s feels AMAZING. Also, it’s social media free and I love it.

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  5. I recognise myself in your feelings about your blog. I sometimes am fed up with it because it takes a lot of time to write what I want to write. I wish there was a way to be able t blog without it taking so much time. I myself already went down from writing every dag (years ago now) to 3 times a week. And I probably will take a blog vacation during my real vacation in summer.
    I hope to see more of you here, but if not, that's ok too.

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  6. Best wishes for your future travels and thank you for all your shared wisdom.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Lovely to see your words and photos and how exciting getting a new camera. What did you get? If you feel pressure to write every week and it's not bringing you joy of course even though we love reading your posts its entirely up to you if and when you blog and I completely respect that. I love the blogging because you can go back to stories and photos and recipes or links [for myself] down the track so it serves as a bit of a reference/family history. Everyone is entitled to their opinion however as you say if they don't like your blog or what you have to say then it's so easy not to follow...it's not rocket science. Enjoy your weekend. Kathy

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  8. ive been checking in every so often after your last post, hoping it wasnt your last! ive been following your blog for years now, and it feels like a cozy spot on the internet that i can read while i sip my tea. i wish you all the best going forward, and i hope you always find time for yourself (whether it be blogging or another crafty endeavor), and just know that there are people who enjoy reading what you have to share (without judgement!) :)

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  9. Dear Kate,
    I'm so happy to see you here again. All the May I was thinking about your previous post, composing what I would like to tell you and then hesitating... (I think you know me by now - I'm the one hardly ever commenting although I very often want to). And so you appeared here today saying exactly what I wanted to tell you - this is your personal blog and you should feel free to blog about what you want to blog about when you want to blog about it :) And as much as I love my Friday ritual of morning coffee with you (via your new blog post), I wouldn't want you to feel pressured and write without enjoying the writing. Please know that I will keep coming here no matter how rarely you write, because I believe that you will keep coming here too.
    And of course I can't wait to see the photos you take with your new camera (and to know what you like about it), and to see the parts of your travel you decide to share with us.
    In the meantime lots of hugs from currently quite hot Poland. Agnieszka xxx

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  10. And I just got here. -smile-

    Blooging *should* be for us. No question about that. And if/when anything makes it unpleasant, we would be wise to step back and rethink doing it.

    You are doing this. Good for you. Best wishes for/with whatever your blogging future will be.

    Gentle hugs...

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  11. It would be very sad for me if you stopped blogging, but I feel only grateful for all the posts so far. It is your choice, and no one has the right to complain if you stop. Beautiful daughter, lovely jersey, thoughtful as ever.

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  12. Oh, Kate, it is lovely to hear from you again. I wholeheartedly support whatever decision you make about blogging, and I am happy to have had years of reading what you share of your life.

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  13. Hi Kate
    its so nice to hear from you again!!!
    And yes its your blog and you can write when and how you want
    ...you have to be fine!!!
    Your beautiful daughter is the Jacket you knit very well!!!

    Kind regards from Germany.....here is finally the summer ....after a
    cold and rainy time....and i am knitting a summer top
    B.AndreaR.

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  14. Hi hun, So pleased that you have taken control over your blog rather than it controlling you when to write/share etc. We are very grateful when you do blog but if you are busy having fun then your blog should come second to your life. Time is always precious and you need to spend it where you feel the greatest need or your greatest want.Love the latest knitting project. You are so creative and give me so much inspiration.*hugs* Goldensunflowerx

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  15. Time is time and you have to spend it the best way you can, a way that brings you joy. I for one like to spend my time here reading about your life and seasons. (in opposing seasons which I really love) So thanks for posting and I hope to hear you words next month. Jo xx

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  16. I've been wondering about continuing blogging too. Now that I work I don't have as much time create, cook and garden - all things I used to blog about. I figure though it's a diary of my makes and adventures, and I'll blog as frequently or infrequently as I like.
    I love seeing all your photos, and reading your thoughts - just rememeber, your blog your rules.

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  17. You go, girl! Do whatever feels right on the day. I read some wise words once: 'Don't should on yourself'!

    ReplyDelete
  18. So happy you are back, and will read your next blog whenever you feel like writing it. I too am on a farm and understand time and energy constraints very well !

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  19. Thank you Kate.......your blog and photos always reminds me of the beauty that is in the everyday......although the everyday is full of 'to do' which gobbles our time enormously.......we are lucky to live where it is glorious, come rain or shine and for our to do lists that strengthen and nurture us and our family.......Bless You xx

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  20. I really enjoy reading your blog even though I rarely comment. I really love the pictures of the flowers. We all blog for different reasons. Mine keeps me sane and helps me see that I am doing worthwhile things with my life. I'd hate to think I couldn't blog any more. I hope you come to a conclusion that works for you.

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  21. Thanks for blogging Kate. Have missed you and feel guilty I have not commented. My life is upside down at present and if I made it to Friday to read your blog I was grateful. Just blog when you feel in the mood xxx

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  22. Hi Kate,
    Thank you for returning to your blog, even if it is only for a brief update. I have admired your dedication to writing each Friday. Reading your blog each Friday evening has become part of my weekly ritual and I must confess, I've miss it. I admire how it has been a snap shot into your life, a ten year journal of photos and 'what's on my mind' each week. You have inspired many like minded people, to make time each week for themselves, reflect on their week and share their crafting/creative endeavours.
    As you have shared, I too will share what is on my mind. I am struggling to adjust to life with chronic illness, find a daily routine after traveling around Australia and keep having long pauses between chapters in my book about our trip. In procrastinating I have started another crochet blanket from cheap yarn from Aldi, coupled with my crochet shawl with the 'expensive' alpaca wool, I brought in Ross (Tassie) and making mug rugs, which I hope to sell at markets as a fundraisers for my daughter to travel to Nepal next year for World Challenge.
    Thank you! Wishing you all the best in the future and I hope you don't mind me checking each Friday to see if you have posted?
    Sincerely
    Rochelle

    ReplyDelete
  23. I started blogging recently, but a couple of times I've written, "my blog, my rules". I enjoy what you write and share, but "Your blog, your rules". The photos are fantastic (I have a soft spot for dahlias) but you have a life and you have to live it the best way you see fit. Love to all.

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  24. Welcome back! Your words and pictures have been missed. (although I didn't realise it until just now!)

    ReplyDelete
  25. I absolutely love to read your blog. I have checked in weekly and am glad to see you return, on your own terms. this is YOUR blog. say what you will. it brings me great joy to see the proper way to live! I have one garden recommendation, though I don't know how it fits in the world of organics: hardy kiwi berries. I planted some last year and am hopeful that the little buds I see will be delicious! Joy to you.

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  26. I find that many bloggers come to some kind of "blog block" at one point. And they quit or take a break or write less often. I've done the latter... I thought about the times when people wrote letters. They took time to think, to write... So I kind of changed my approach. Thinking what would I've written to my family and friends if I lived in the age of letterwriting :-) And I'm much happier with that.

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  27. Good to see you writing this weekend Kate. I don't always comment but I do thoroughly enjoy your blog. I love the knitting especially but enjoy the catch up of family life and photos. Take care, Cathy x

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  28. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  29. I've been reading your blog from almost the beginning I think and is one of only a handful where I still read every post. I subscribe to all the blogs I still read and all of the bloggers post on an irregular basis so having an email pop up from them feels like a special little gift on the day, like a letter from an old friend! In a world where blogs are now big business, the few I do read are all written from a personal viewpoint with no agenda, so I really don't mind that they only post on a semi-regular basis - quality over quantity :-) Just my two cents worth, but I quite enjoy having my little "blog treats" handed out on an unexpected basis. Julie xx

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  30. Blog whatever whenever...love it all! We'll all be here waiting...xxx

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  31. Lovely to see you back, for as long as it works for you xxx

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  32. I enjoy reading your blog and love your beautiful photos. I know not as many people blog anymore but I am continuing as for me it is my diary of life and stitching. I write it mostly for myself and if others enjoy it then that is a bonus. I am sorry you have had negative feedback.

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  33. I blog much the same way, on this old clunky, free blogspot platform, it's probably not even readable on some people's modern, updated browsers, but still, I blog away, 10 years on, when I am taken by it, when I can feel free and not burdened by it, when it's a hobby and not a responsibility and as a record of my life in the early 2000s - it'll be as archaic as print photos and painted portraits are to us now in years to come, and I don't much care. Blog as the spirit takes you, I say.

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  34. nice to read your blog again. I so enjoy the glimpse into your family/farm/creative life that you share. Happy to read along with you. I love how you think, your honesty etc. It's refreshing. Trust you...

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  35. My Fridays are not the same without your blog. I miss reading them weekly. After so many years it's as though you have become family.

    But I also understand that life can change.

    You do what you need to do. We'll be here when you do blog and wonder how you're doing when you don't.

    Sending lots of love and hugs!

    ReplyDelete
  36. I am glad you decided to stay, in whatever
    shape or form that takes.
    I am always grateful for your words & images,
    they bring me great joy.
    But do what you need to do, to be happy.
    :)

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  37. Dear Kate,
    It's such a pleasure to read this and know that you are okay.
    It is a relief to read that you are taking a healthy stance on your blogging and where it fits into the bigger picture of your life because your wellbeing is the most important issue. Thank you for all the blogging love you have shared and I do hope to see you again in the blogosphere but if not:
    Hugs and best wishes for whatever comes next.
    Jodie xx

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  38. Hi Kate!

    Just wanted to say I love reading your blog, but you're right it all seems to be changing these days. I spend a lot of my online time on Instagram at the minute where I still get to see all your lovely photos and little snippets of what you are up to. But every now and then when I have 20 - 30 minutes spare I like to grab a cuppa and have a wee look through the few blogs that I have followed for quite a while now, including yours. I can often be catching up on quite a lot of entries in one go, but I love being able to lose myself in someone else's world for a wee while! LOL

    You are absolutely right to keep this as YOUR personal blog. How amazing would it be if we had something like this of our own mother's to look back on and read what was happening during our childhood? Especially for those of us like myself, I no longer have my mum to ask all those questions of, what was I like? what did we enjoy doing? the list is endless.

    I think this blog is a precious, precious gift for your children and grandchildren and should not be dictated by anyone other than you as to what you write and how often you write.

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  39. Miss you and your beautiful glimpses into you life, hope you are well and happy 💕

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  40. I really miss your updates on the blog. I found the Friday posts lovely and a glimpse into a world so unlike mine, however something I enjoyed so much. Hope to see you again on here sometime. Just know, I read every post, but did not comment..I am sure there are many of us out there that did post, however definitely read and loved your writing and photography xxx

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  41. I have missed reading your blog. I am sorry that you have felt pressured. I read your blog because I enjoyed reading about the simple, every day things of living - watching the weather, seeing what grows, your family's response to the changing seasons, your garden, your enjoyment of country living, your creative projects. I liked that your blog was your personal story of living each day. I have a blog too and it is simply my journal, our family history through the years, where I organize the very best of my photographs.

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  42. Hi Kate, If you are closing the blog please can you write a *goodbye* post so that we know? I am sure with Spring time you are really busy, here across the pond we are finishing off preserving our produce by canning,dehydrating and frezing it. Next we will have to get the land manured and ready for its winter sleep :) Hope all is well with you and your family. *hugs* Goldensunflowerx

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  43. Really missing your updates. Hope everyone is ok? And you are off enjoying some quality "you time" xxx

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  44. I miss you in blogland! But I I hope you and your family are doing wel and are enjoying spring (here we are going towards winter).

    ReplyDelete
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  46. Really hoping both you and your neighbours are ok at this awful time?
    Our thoughts are with you all xxxx

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  50. Hello Kate! I miss your world and hope to hear from your garden!!Wish you a beautiful weekend💚💜❤

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