I've cried oh so many tears.
Nothing big or major or terrible happened. It was just a feeling of rawness. Like everything touched me too deeply. The little stuff that usually bounces off, didn't. I think I might have cried as much as my pre-teen. It was all a bit too much.
I cried when he tripped over the chook fence and fell and then limped. I cried when a gorgeous friend sent me a pile of books in the mail. I cried when I read the intro in one of those books to my grandmother's chocolate cake. I cried because I miss my grandmother so deeply some times. I cried because my smalls didn't let me talk to the painter. I cried when my farmer boy told me he wouldn't leave until tomorrow. I cried at a couple of gorgeous blog comments. I cried when the dog poo got smeared on the car seat. And I cried when one of his mentors told him he is doing a great job. He is.
I have no idea what it's all about. I do know that I feel exhausted and overemotional.
So late this afternoon Miss Pepper and I made a cake. We used Claudia Roden's chocolate almond cake recipe from this book. I would have liked to bake my grandmother's cake but we didn't have any buttermilk.
I don't have a problem with being over emotional from time to time. It's cleansing even. But I really wanted to mark the end of this crying weekend. I wanted to finish it off sweetly so I could move forward into the new week happily.
This is going to be a great week. Farmer Bren has his first consulting job, our house is turning white on the inside, there is going to be a mega declutter, the countdown to the winter holidays is on and I have a great frock to wear to a fabulous fortieth. It's going to be good.
And the cake was so good too. It took ages to get the temperature right in the oven. It was almost impossible to get it out of the tin (why didn't I use a springform??) But the girls loved it. Even the non cake eating one. And we smiled as we ate it and talked about our best moments of our day.
Alright new week, I'm ready for you.
Let's have a super sweet one, ok.
xx
Hmmmmm...
ReplyDeleteHmmmmmm?
x
LOLl!!
DeleteA good cry is good for the soul! It's like a big interior cleanse! Hope you have a good week.
ReplyDeleteOh my I have had one of those weeks too sadly but ending on a sweet note is a good way to put you in the mood for a better week ahead. I hope you new week is a happy one. Take care. xx
ReplyDeleteyou are GORGEOUS...your words...your raw truth of the everyday...your LOVE for your farmer boy and three girlies...sometimes I feel like I know you in the real world...i wish love, happiness and laughter for you this week and much success with your new cooker...
ReplyDeleteoh dear :( tomorrows a new week and it sounds like you've got it all planned starting with a fab cake !
ReplyDeleteHere is a link to making your own buttermilk, so you'll never not be able to make your grandma's cake :)
http://www.down---to---earth.blogspot.com.au/2008/01/homemade-from-cupboard.html - its down the end.
Hope the sun is shining there tomorrow!
Lauren
x
You have days like that, and then the next day can be so completely different. Happy to end it with a cake!! : -)
ReplyDeleteGoodness, I've had one of those weeks too Kate! There must be something in the air? Hoping for sunnier, smilier times for us both this week :)
ReplyDeleteKatie x
PS Why didn't I think to fix it with cake!? Rookie mistake.
cake- the perfect fix-it-all in my book. here's to a happy day! sarah.
ReplyDeleteloving kindness :)
ReplyDeletecheers Kate
love and hugs a plenty....I had a few days like that last week and then a lovely weekend full of chilledness and smiles....i think the same will happen for you after all that cleansing and letting go. Gently, peacefully, with love, Lisa and Matilda xxx
ReplyDeletebaking always cheers me up too x
ReplyDeleteIt is good to get these emotions out - it is cleansing I think. And you're so right about the teenage girl thing... (lucky us!) we get to go through it all over again with the whole hormonal thing etc. I've had some bumpy days this year too... they come out of nowhere and then leave me alone for a bit. I keep telling them that 45 is too young for the M word! Exercise helps actually. Good luck and I hope it passes soon! :)) Kx
ReplyDeleteAh yes I can relate to that, hope you find something to smile about today.
ReplyDeleteI have those weekends often. :) Hope your week is better!
ReplyDeleteOh and you can turn normal milk into buttermilk by adding lemon juice and letting it sit for a while. I do it for my son who is lactose intolerant with his dairy free milk. x
So sorry to hear you've been tired and overwrought. It's much the same here. So much so I am snuffling with a cold and have become more run down than I usually am. I too have been whipping up batters to soothe the ills. Your cake sounds lovely.
ReplyDeleteI hope you rock this week Kate...I plan to at least attempt to rock it. 'Focus' is my word for this week!
ReplyDeleteThat was my week last week too Kate, I was scared, felt so alone and trying bismally to hold the it all together. Hubby ending up in hospital was the last straw. I cried, oh I cried, until there were no tears left and I felt so much better for it :)
ReplyDeleteHave an amazing week this week friend, I plan to.
x
I hope you have a fantastic week this week Kate.
ReplyDeleteWhenever I have a recipe that calls for buttermilk and I am out, I mix milk with vinegar and it works just the same.
I know those very emotional times to well, and I think you're right it's sort of cleansing in a way. SOmetimes there's nothing like a good cry. I think sometimes as adults we don't cry as much at stuff, and it all builds up and is good to get it out . glad it's over too though. xo
ReplyDeleteI came to give you the buttermilk tip but it seems everyone has beaten me to it! Though I'm not sure its quite as good as the real thing.
ReplyDeleteI had a weepy week last week, whenever I saw something sweet or sad I found myself tearing up (like the dog dying on Offspring!) I quite like those times though, such a girlie thing!
I think cake is a perfect way to soak up the tears :-)
Kate I just wanted to say thankyou for being so honest about your emotions, about your good & bad days. It's rare in a blog to see someone who will say things are not always great, someone who does not always show the shiny,happy, perfect things that happen in their life.
ReplyDeleteSo thanks for making me not feel like I'm alone in this world. I too am aiming for a happy week so fingers crossed we both get what we need xx
I love your honesty, and how you are so connected to those around you, how you touch my soul, I feel such empathy and a connection that is unexpected. I too had a raw weekend but unlike you I didn't have the support to let it all out, instead i bottle it all up and feel as though the sky is resting on my head. Thank you for making me feel as though I am not alone, I'm going to follow your lead and bake a cake to mark the beginning of a better week! xx
ReplyDeleteTomorrow is always a new day and a tear is better out than in xx
ReplyDeleteyour outlook on life is so inspiring and heartwarming. i've learnt so much, i can't even begin to tell you. have a beautiful week kate. xx
ReplyDeleteHugs to you, gorgeous Kate xx
ReplyDeleteKate, I don't know you, but I feel like I know you so well. I love you!
ReplyDeleteIt's so good to cry sometimes, but also good to get over it and smile and eat yummy cake. When I feel like crying (mostly about my mum and how deeply I continue to miss her - actually, deeper missing now that I live on her land) I put on some music that always makes me cry. Normally I do it while I'm driving alone in the car. It's good to cry and sing and smile through my tears.
Yesterday I cried because I felt such wonderful, deep and good connections with where I am. Because good things are happening for me in my live, and I am making good things happen.
I think I need to go for a walk in the forest and cry a bit more.
Happy cake week!! xxxxx
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