I'm running....x

I am running.

Not away, or from, or really to anything, but running all the same.

My feet hit the black rubber, my arms swing by my sides. One holds my phone which is connected to my earphones and my ears. I try my hardest not to look at my phone, not to think about the timer that tells me how much longer to go. 

I just want to run. To get lost in the run.

My earphones play loud music that drowns out my thoughts. JT and Katie and Pink and Gaga, when I run I listen to music that I would never listen to in my normal life. The beat pushes me forwards, the words fill my brain, the melodies keep me going.

I watch as the rain pelts against the windows. The yellow wattles sway violently from side to side. And I run. It is arctic cold out there but in here I feel hot. Hot enough to take off my hoodie, one sleeve at a time, passing my phone from hand to hand. Trying not to overbalance, my fear is falling off.

Now I'm wearing a singlet and a skirt, and runners. Somewhere I have an expensive pair of running socks that I was talked into buying once upon a time. I sometimes think about purchasing proper running gear, but do I really need to look the part in my lounge room? Would it make me run faster? Feel fitter? Maybe if I keep this up for a while longer I'll think about it again. I'm not sure I'd be brave enough to wear lycra though.

Maybe in summer when I run outside. If I run outside. I'm not certain I could handle the distractions and the needing to be alert at all times. I think my running is about tuning out.

I've been running now for six weeks.

I can feel the difference.

I have more energy. My clothes fit me better. I am more even tempered and feel like I am coping with life in a happier way. I sleep well at night. I don't own scales so I don't know what they would say if I stood on them. And I am fitter. I always thought farm fitness was enough, but now I can see and feel that it's a different fitness.

This fitness had me chasing and catching 50 escaped chooks yesterday without even breaking a sweat.

I'm not saying that after six weeks on the treadmill I'm ready to add 'runner' into my profile, but I am starting to understand why people do.

And I'm starting to understand that endorphin thing.

I had always thought the endorphins kicked in when you had been exercising for a while, but now I feel myself getting happy just thinking about it. When I put on my sports bra and singlet under my clothes on a running morning, as I'm tying my laces, choosing the music tracks, turning the machine on.

It's hard and part of me dreads it, but part of me loves it too.

I run.

I've built up fitness so I don't really get out of breath so much, but sometimes I hurt. Knees or ankles or calves. Sometimes I try to block it out. Sometimes I try to focus in on the pain. Zero right in on it. But I always keep running.

I never for a second think that I can't do it. I don't have to do it and no one would ever know or care if I didn't. But I do it. For me.

Run. run. run...

And then afterwards I stretch. And I feel good about myself. And a bit proud and healthy. And I find that running is making me eat better and drink more water too. And it's making Indi run.

I hope I can keep it up. Or get back to it if I don't.

It's so good for me.

Exhale.

The pictures have nothing to do with the words. Obviously.

The squares are for my new blanket project.

The winners of The Starting School books are; Annshar, Sarah and Sampling. Yay!


So tell me peeps, are you an exerciser?
Do you get what I'm saying?
Do you run, swim, walk, yoga, pilates...........??
Or are you laughing a little? Don't worry, the me of a year ago is laughing too.

Whatever the weather, I hope your weekend is wonderful.

Big love

xx