the afternoon after

Last night when we were in Melbourne picking up Pepper I bumped into an old friend. He asked how I was and then I asked him. We both answered really good without even really thinking. But then I took a breath all the way in and noticed all the parts of my body that had been stuck sitting inside the car for the past two hours. I'm on a bit of a mission to get out of my head and into my body more often these days. And I noticed my aching shoulder and I added that I am actually feeling great because just this past week I smashed a goal that I'd set myself close to a year ago.

Working with our trainer at gym twice a week, she'd often talk about a particular fitness class she runs. The group who turn up a few times a week to take this class are at peak fitness. They pick up the choreography quickly, they move to the beat, they are strong and they work together to achieve this amazing feeling of strength and joy that has them sweaty and cheering by the end of the class. 

For months every time I bumped into a friend of mine who goes she'd encourage me to come and list all the benefits, and I'd tell her that one day I would. One day.

Then on Tuesday our trainer told me I was ready and she thought I should come to that night's class. As she ran through some of the trickier moves with me we discussed the importance of learning new things as an adult, about the fact that being bad at something is not a waste of time, about the importance of goals and challenges and about doing something for myself.

That night I left my warm house and went out into the cold and the dark. After working with our trainer for a year and a half I trust that she knows me well enough to know what I'm capable of so I wasn't nervous, I didn't expect much of myself though.

And like she'd said, the people were lovely and very serious about it. I stood at the back and watched in awe as they punched and jumped and kicked and lunged, in time, and again and again and again.

And you know what? I did too! Of course I found it tricky and stumbled and tripped often, I sweated my head off and there were many times when I wondered if the end of the song would ever come. But I kept up. And apart from the knee push ups that killed my knees, I managed every single exercise. They might have even clapped me at the end.

The few days since have been an anatomy lesson in muscle groups of pain, but gosh I feel great. And proud. And strong.

The friend I told this to last night made all the right noises and told me about his own goal that he'd smashed recently. I don't want to betray his confidence so I'm not going to write about his part of the conversation, but just know that I asked and listened as well as spoke.

He then asked me about the girls, how are they are and what they're up to? It's funny, I told him. So often there's something going on with one of them being extra needy or demanding. But right now they all three seem to be doing things they love and they're happy. School holidays are tricky with the big two now that their friends live an hour away, but we're managing.

And Bren? He's really great too. The farm is slowly going to sleep for the winter which gives him the time to express himself creatively. He's got a few projects going on and he's learning and loving working on them.

He had a difficult time during the week when we had yet another plumber out to try and fix the hydronics on the wood stove that have never worked properly in the five years we've had it. He questioned himself and his decisions and whether it was worth persevering at all. But after a good night's sleep and a discussion with the plumber who is confident that he can come back and fix it and get it running properly, he's feeling cautiously optimistic again.

It's horrible watching the person you love really struggling. My first impulse is always to try and fix it and take the hurt away. But over the years I've learnt that it's more important to support them. To listen carefully, to offer my thoughts if needed and to sit with them through the process without getting impatient or suggesting certain solutions.

Fingers crossed this week will see the cooker fixed and the end to a very long five years of problems.

Then he asked about the apples. It's funny that no matter the time or season, people always do. And the chooks and the dogs? All good.

We then spoke of country living versus city living and how I could never go back. We spoke of all the changes we've made to our house since they last visited and when they can come back.

He didn't ask me about my crochet or knitting, surprise-surprise. But incase you were wondering I'm darning in the ends of my crochet blanket and knitting squares onto my scrappy sock blanket. My farmer boy needs a new beanie next.

And I'm reading Abby's advance copy of The Lucky Ones. I started reading it a couple of weeks ago when I was feeling crappy but put it down after I realised it was pretty heavy in places. Now that I'm reading it in a better frame of mind I'm loving it.

Set during the peak of Columbia's drug fuelled conflict, The Lucky Ones is one of those books where each chapter stands alone as a short story and also fits in as a part of the intertwining bigger picture. Set over a 20 year period, the interconnecting bits between the stories are sometimes so surprising that they feel like bits of a jigsaw puzzle clicking in together. Told from the perspective of high school students, teachers, guerrilla fighters, parents and prisoners, The Lucky Ones capture a period of time so vividly but so far seem anything but what the name of the book suggests.

I thought you'd like to see this picture of our Pepper and her friend Drew taken by local photographer Juanita Broderick for the Tripwire Theatre production of Hollow recently. Pepper played Thomas Graham, one of three young boys who left their Daylesford homes 150 years ago to play in the forest and never returned home. The play told the story of the events that surrounded their disappearance.  


And that's me in my point in time. It's funny but when I sat down to write my blog this afternoon my brain didn't want to. It was like because I'd kind of done it yesterday, it didn't want to do it again today. So I got distracted and found a heap of other things to do instead. In the end, looking for a way to trick myself into it I remembered how often you guys leave comments telling me that my blog is just like catching up with a good friend. So I started there. And my brain cooperated. Thank goodness.

Which makes me wonder about your side of the story.
How are you going?
How's your family?
Your animals?
Have you made or smashed any goals lately?
Are you making anything cool?
I'd love to know.

I hope you have a great weekend.

Love Kate

xx